celester

random rumblings

2010-07-01T12:22:00.003+08:00

today is yet another day spent cooping myself up at home.
it's raining heavily outside now.
i like rainy days, provided i'm not preparing to step out my house.

it's the month of july already!
time flies like a bolt of lightning.
it feels as if i just started working last month, and ended just yesterday when in fact, i had worked for a total of 4 months at the tuas site.
speaking of work, i didn't really feel a sense of reluntance at my last day of work.
probably the only thing i missed about the place is its scenery and the fact that it's located just next to the sea, which not many would agree with me though.
haha, cos they think it's more ulu than beautiful.
but i liked its broad blue sky studded with pretty white clouds.
we don't really get to see this much in the urban parts of singapore where the view of the sky is usually blocked by tall protruding buildings.
and the sight of the numerous cargo ships at anchor by the sea gave me a mysterious yet fascinating sensation all the time.
haha i think i'm very much of a nature person.
anyway, other than that, there wasn't anything else special about my workplace except that working had been made more fun and lively when liying came to join me during the later part of my stint there. :)

rahh now that i'm jobless again, i will be going free and easy for the rest of this month!
relax as much as i can and probably hunt for short term jobs every now and then.
BUT my priority is still doing things i feel like doing now, which does not include working.
though the idea of earning more money is alluring, i dun wish to be a money slave forever cos i think having personal time and freedom is much more important than money.
money shouldn't control us, we control the money.
okay enough of my random rumblings of philosophy, i'm off to brainstorm for my to-do list for the weeks to come. :)

I'M BACKKK!

2010-06-30T22:15:00.004+08:00

KONICHIWA!

wow it has been a long time since i last blogged.
today is the third day (excluding the weekend) since i stopped working last friday.
yup, i'm a wu ye you min once again. :)
it feels really blissful to be lying at home whole day, generally doing nothing at all.
but at times, it does get a little too boring that i get headaches every now and then.
maybe watching too much youtube to catch my new fav, superjunior wasn't too good an idea.
haha looks like i gotta set myself a to-do list for the next few weeks to get myself to start doing sth more constructive real soon.

anyway, i will be pursuing a course in nus fass soon.
in august.
so for the time being, i really need to grab and enjoy every minute of freedom i have now.
i feel kinda awkward and mentally unprepared to be going back to sch and saying hello and making friends with lecture notes, gruesome mugging process and tutorials once again after so long.
i dun feel any single hint of excitement about stepping into uni life, YET.
hmm maybe the feeling would come when the time gets nearer.
sigh, i really dunno what to expect till then.
wish time could slow down though.
or better, freeze.
:/

:(

2010-03-24T10:40:00.002+08:00

i feel very, very, extremely depressed now.
i need something to vent my sadness, anger, disappointment on and here seems to be an ideal spot.
...
......
..........
.............
S.H.E CONCERT TICS WERE ALL SOLD OUT!!!!
JUST WHEN I PLANNED TO PURCHASE SOME TODAY!
WHICH MEANS I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANY YET YOU KNOW!!
HOW!
I HAVE MISSED MY CHANCE AGAIN ARGHHH!!!!
...
.....
........
...........
..............
.................
....................... :'(

white vs black vs grey

2010-01-20T22:47:00.002+08:00

i have just learnt an important lesson today.
i realised that sometimes, being too honest does not do you any good. instead, it brings you so much agony and unleashes a chain of unnecessary conflicts. D:
i shan't be so honest again should i encounter a similar event next time. but now even the thought of deceiving someone, esp someone close to me, already makes me feel so uneasy...

argh.

when happiness and sadness intercept

2010-01-20T12:33:00.003+08:00

i feel damn happy with myself!
just yesterday, i finally managed to secure a job in quite an unexpectedly swift manner after days of job hunting and i also accomplished something which i thought i would not be capable enough of doing, that is, to tutor a pri 5 kid on behalf of caishi.
i did it! woohoo! :D
i'm glad i had made the right choice.
and now, i'm still exploring for new opportunities. :)

and yesterday, i was touring around the basement of ion orchard with nive for a short while when someone shouted out my name.
it was simin!! she happened to be working at a jap cake counter there.
omg it was surprising to see her.
hadn't seen her for quite some time. i think the last time i saw her was at the cca fair in aj last year.. :)

i could sense something weird and i tried not to think too much.
but it still made me feel kinda sad for the rest of the day, destroying my originally joyous mood.

so much innocence back then, not so innocent now.

internal struggle

2010-01-18T23:59:00.004+08:00

there's always a time when you are forced to a situation where you have to make some difficult decisions.
i'm faced with one such situation right now.
it feels so uncertain if you are making the right decision, if you would regret making that decision years later, if all the sacrifices you would be making along the way as a result of that decision of yours would be all worth it.
so insecure. so terrified. so lost.

i have two options now.
one, shy away from my problems and revert back to my own comfort zone like an useless tortoise.
two, be bold and take the risk...

i have not come to a decision yet.
but i know that sometimes, all it takes is to simply take a big step forward and you will get a brighter view of life.

tmr's going to be such a long day. hope everything turns out smoothly.

fond memories :)

2010-01-15T18:38:00.004+08:00

a colourful brand new layout for a fresh new start of the year? :D

i was editing my blog template when i thought my archive list is getting a little too long.
so i initially wanted to delete all the older posts but i ended up reading some of my most ancient posts instead, which dated all the way back when i was in sec 2.
it felt kinda weird at first reading what i blogged about back then. the posts overflowed with lots of childish expressions and numerous grammar mistakes here and there but at the same time, every single one of it gave a hint of how much fun and happiness i had back then.
all the things that happened may not be big things but it was these small little things that pieced together into the much larger perfect assemblage of fond memories i had.

once i blogged about a short convo between cheryl and i. and now as i read it again like a total stranger, that small piece of lost memory had found its way back and i laughed out loud.

" me: why are you sweating so much?
cheryl: cos i'm cold?
me: huh? you mean you sweat when you feel cold?
cheryl: omg gay! you actually believed it?! "

yeah it was these small little things... :)

and there was this post which was never published. it signified my inner most feelings and reflections as my sec 2 life came to an end. heart-warming i felt, as i stumbled across it once again.

it says [unedited]:
" so the year is ending alr. : ( i will miss the classroom and the specs stand! i will miss lots of ppl too! esp cheryl and mylene! cos i dun think we might all be in the same class next year. : (

was talking to cheryl ytdy. i agree with her that many things happened this year which made our year in sec two so eventful, full of sweet and sour memories. i kind of miss those days in school, struggling. haha. like cheryl and mylene always ganged up to go against me, both parties argue for their own rights, made me always end up giving in or else i will die from severe heart attack. even jiehui once thought me and cheryl quarrelled. XD and of course i will never forget cheryl for started calling me gay and went around spreading the gay theory like some kind of sars disease, which ruined my whole entire life. haha.

both of us seriously can't rmb how we actually got to noe each other this year. she told me last year there was sth happened which somehow made the both of us connected. once during band prac, ms sia was testing one by one. when it was my turn, she saw cheryl's that usual when-bored-or-tired-become-dao-ed face and asked her why she wasn't appreciating my music. she answered,'im appreciating!' haha. yeah. i rmb there was such a thing but i didn't noe she was the one who dunno how to appreciate my music! : ) i guess this is sort of fate issit??

i was same class as mylene since last year. hah we weren't actually that close although she just was just sitting one person away from me! haha but she was still my first sitting partners in 2G after all. : ) i won't forget how i got irritated by her at times and she got irritated by me. haha. it's kind of funny when u see her always having such a big reaction over small little things and im always the victim. : (

i rmb pris and jas were the first two fellow classmates i get to noe!
that time...
me liked hebe, pris was in love with james, jas loved brad pitt!
now...
me still like hebe, pris's crazy over ??( not sure who's the latest one..), jas loves daniel wu!
hmm.. looks like im the most zhuan qing one! XD

..................
"

it's a pity that i am not in contact with most of my sec 2 friends anymore.. :(

i wish, i wish for a time machine that could ferry me back to the good old days right now.

but i know it's impossible for me to experience all these all over again.

and so,

my conclusion is,

the archive list shall remain that long

to keep these old memories alive. :)

HAPPY 2010

2010-01-01T23:49:00.004+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

spent the last day of 2009 yesterday counting down outside, for the very first time in my life, at vivo with my badminton mates, caishi and kaijun. :D
although the day was peppered with some mishaps here and there, it was still packed with lots of fun, joy, laughter and excitement as we dinnered away at bosses and finally watched the channel 8 countdown event live at the amphitheatre.
the performances were great and i really enjoyed myself very much.

and most exhilaratingly,

my first few hours of 2010 were marked with
-finally seeing jeanette aw in person and her impressive live dance segment! (we were seated at an ideal distance from the stage which allowed us to get quite a clear view of what was happening onstage.) and also many other artistes.

-posing photo with my no 1 idol, hebe! :D

-staring out blankly into the sea and admiring the night view. :)

-and literally running our sweat out to catch the last train home.. haha!

time flies unbelievably fast.
all the things that had happened in 2009, good or bad, happy or sad, i'm going to leave them all behind.
2010 will be a year when i will embark on a new chapter in my life, with much more freedom and stronger need for self independence.

i was curious and asked kaijun and caishi what their new year wishes are.
i have just a simple one.
that is, to learn many new things and more importantly, to live happily.
because no matter what you want to achieve, it's only when you are truly happy with what you are doing that makes all your efforts worthwhile.
happiness makes the world goes round :D

over the moon

2009-12-17T22:06:00.004+08:00

today i feel high enough to make me wanna blog again!
just a while ago, i received a piece of good news: i got a good progress award which comes with a $250 voucher!
i'm slightly surprised about it though, not as if i had made much significant giant leap in my results over these two years.
but anw, the more important point is, this is the first time i'm receiving an edusave award once again after so many years of hiatus!
i asked my mother when the last time i received an edusave award was. she said, "primary six, i think."
i haven't felt this happy and proud of myself for quite a long time you know.
this feeling of extreme joyfulness cannot be matched by any feelings experienced during any other recent events, not even the joy of completing my last A level paper 2 weeks ago.
probably to many others, this may not be something worth a big hu ha about, but to me, receiving an academic award, no matter how minor it may seems, definitely means much more than anything else.
因为曾经失去过，所以会更加珍惜。
:D :D :D :D :D

i just came back from malaysia. went to fetch my aunt who flew in from sarawak.
this is already the second time she's visiting us this year.
and she will be staying with us until 26th dec. :)

life after A's has been pretty much mundane for me.
practically i would stay at home, watch tv, surf the net, read some books, do some housework... then once in a while, i would go out to meet some friends or just travel around.
i don't plan to work anytime soon, at least not this month.
shall wait till next year.
yipee, 2010's arriving soon. :)

farewell AJC

2009-10-16T17:38:00.006+08:00

today was the last day of school.
i felt a slight hint of sadness that we will all be graduating soon although i had been wanting to get out of AJ asap ever since i first stepped into the school.
but now, if given a choice, i would hope for my time in AJ to not end so soon.
cos i know that once i bid goodbye to my jc life, there will be much greater and harsher challenges ahead.
but choi, that doesn't mean i want to retain for another year. haha. i still want to graduate as a 2009 batch J2 student.

i won't say that these two years have been the best times of my life. neither are they the worst too, even though i used to think so.
i am glad that things had happened the way they happened.
i used to groan and mourn and get upset over every little unhappy stuff that happened to me, thinking that i must have been the most unlucky and lonely person on earth.
but now as i reflect back over the past couple of years, i realise they all happened for a good purpose. just that i was too ravaged by the negative side of it at that point of time that i failed to see the good side of it in the long term.
it was these not-so-good times that enable me to transform into a stronger and better individual.
i have become more independent and am not ashamed of being alone anymore.
i have become more accommodating to others and are more willing to accept one's flaws and embrace his/her good points.
i have come to learn who my true friends are and who are not.
i care more about my studies now than i was in sec school.

comparing the present me with myself 2 years ago, i am definitely a changed person now, for the better.
i am thankful that i was part of class 07/08 for i can't bear to imagine how it would be like if i were in some other classes instead.
i am thankful that i was a member of the guitar ensemble for besides having fulfilled my childhood wish of learning to play the guitar, i had made many true friends there.
if things hadn't happened the way they happened, my life would be totally different. it could have been better or worse.
but at least, i am happy with the way things are now. at least, i feel that my 2 years in jc hadn't gone into a waste. it was worth the roller coaster ride.
and one thing for sure, if things hadn't happened the way they happened, i wouldn't have met so many wonderful friends in AJ. and it would certainly be my loss.

all in all, i feel extremely contented.
now i choose to think i am the luckiest person on earth.
and once and for all,
thank you AJ for all the precious memories and valuable life lessons learned. :)

stress

2009-08-16T01:53:00.002+08:00

dunno why but it seems like a tradition that my nose gets over sensitive every saturday. i will always wake up to a running nose and i will be sneezing whole day long.
and with it comes drowsiness which makes me unble to study properly.
like today, i only managed to complete the revision worksheet for binomial series which has like 8 questions only........
this is super unproductive la.
my irritating troublesome nose has hindered my mugging process terribly. :(
i still have a long list of things that i had initially planned to revise by the end of this week.
looks like it's gonna go down the drain, again.

but i am happy cos my nose has made a tremendous recovery by 9pm and now, i feel as if nothing had happened. i feel like a healthy human being again! actually no, i still feel weak and restless. must be a cue that my body needs a rest now.
but no, cannot. haiyoh i want to study chem energetics first before i go to sleep. but apparently i can't concentrate any longer and that's why i am here blogging in the first place.

yesterday, after the horrible physics test which i spent almost half the time stoning for, caishi and i went to watch UP!
yes finally i got to watch a movie! :D although it wasn't ice age which i had long been wanting to watch, i was still satisfied cos UP was overwhelmingly fabulous.
it brought tears to my eyes more than a couple of times and it made me laugh a dozen of times.
heartwarming and hilarious. :)
actually come to think of it, like what caishi said, it seems quite stupid to shed tears over a cartoon.
haha but dun care la, i just enjoy watching such cartoon movies so much.
:D

it's 2am now.
will be meeting caishi to study at the lib tmr morning at like 10am.
sensibly speaking, i ought to go sleep soon and i think i should cos my back is going to break soon.
it is going to be another stressful sunday..

stress stress stress.

i hate my life now but i have to persevere.
21 more days to prelims and 11 more days to gp paper.....

mourn

2009-07-24T20:19:00.008+08:00

i feel damn sad now for a couple of reasons.

firstly, my beloved samsung mp3 which had accompanied me for 2 years passed away 2 days ago.
:(

Last found alive and kicking: 21st July 2009, Tuesday 3.45pm
First discovered dead: 22nd July 2009, Wednesday 7.05am
Cause of death: unknown- died in a peaceful death with no visible injuries. probably due to old age and fatigue

Dear mp3,

You had been a really obedient and loyal companion who had never given me a single problem these 2 years. So I was utterly surprised and dismayed when I couldn't start you up on Wednesday morning. It was my great loss to have lost such a wonderful mate who had always kept me companied and entertained with non-stop playing of songs which I would enjoy listening to during long train rides, torturous mugging sessions and times of boredom. I feel so empty now without you around... I miss you deeply.
R.I.P

With lots of love,
Owner

-----

secondly, i have always been wanting to watch ice age 3 ever since a month ago but up till now, i still haven't had my simple wish fulfilled due to unforeseen circumstances which always cropped up at the very last minute. :(
is this fate?
no! i will never submit to fate. i will still watch it someday, no, soon!

just to make myself feel abit better,

*admires sheepishly*

physically and mentally distressed

2009-07-13T10:10:00.002+08:00

having too much faith in one's own ability can lead to unbearable consequences.

on sat, i went to cycle to admiralty park all by myself on my brother's rusty old bike.
it was my first 'expedition' and i was determined to explore around the neighbourhood which i was still so unfamiliar with despite 17 years of residence and the park which i had never been to.
and there i was, faced with a super steep slope in front of me and i decided to go ahead. it later proved to be a fatal decision.
i ended up with huge bruises on my left palm, right elbow and knee.
no one else was around. i was in the midst of the forest. i walked through the trails which seemed never ending, with my wounds bleeding. it was drizzling.
never in my life had i felt more lang bei than this.
it took what seemed like eons before i finally saw some civilisation.
my saviour of the day: the washroom
D:
i think i'm not going to cycle again anytime soon already.

to make life sadder, i flunked my mid years terribly.
oh no.
nive and i have agreed to study extremely hard for prelims which is in merely 2 months' time.
our target prelim results: all C's
or anywhere near la, at least.

:/

eve of mid years doom week

2009-06-28T22:19:00.006+08:00

there's about 1 hour and 30 mins left before the new week begins.
it's going to be a very tough week.
i can foresee 4 consecutive days of late night studying, with only about 3, 4 hours of sleep? erm hopefully.
sigh.
the only thing that can sustain me right now is the thought of going to feast at a vegetarian restaurant with nive once the last paper ends on friday and the weekend that will be spent shopping and cycling- basically just have lots of fun and relief before getting back down to schoolwork again. :D

i just made a vow to myself that i must study extremely, extremely hard from now onwards, for prelims and a levels.
mid years is already a gone case for me. i think i'm going to fail chem and geog... D:
hope i can manage to scrape through maths and physics.
i had already tried to hint to my mother that the mid years exams aren't really that important.
hope she got the hint. haha
hmm 4 months left to a levels! i can do it! and i will survive victorious!
:)

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you...
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

i want one more week!

2009-06-24T23:07:00.003+08:00

the chances are getting slimmer and slimmer..
looks like it's already 99. 9 percent confirmed that school is going to resume as usual on monday.. why oh why :(

guess what, i just started studying geog today! ..when the geog paper is just next wed.
still got chem, physics, gp and maths somemore.
still got so many topics left to study.. and several sub-topics and sub-sub-topics and sub-sub-sub-topics....
i just want to die xP

i thought of giving up on chem and concentrate on geog instead.
but nive the "hot and smart" one just advised me to ditch geog for chem.
she said it's wiser to fare well for chem mid years so that i will be free from any misery i will possibly get from hu if i fail.
hmm she had a point. heard some people have been mugging doubly hard for chem, hoping to get out of hu's remedial programme. haha
in desperate times like these, we can't avoid having to sacrifice some things eh?
strategic studying, haha

hai..
if only i could have that one more precious week of holidays...... *dreams*

I CAN, I WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE

2009-06-13T16:00:00.006+08:00

FINALLY, my aunt flew back to sarawak yesterday!
haha, oops, do i sound relieved and abit too happy?
for the 5 days which she was here, i hadn't been able study quite effectively.
had been going out almost every single day. and the hot weather didn't make me feel like studying at all. :(
haiz die liao lor.

anyway, last fri-sat, i went for famine camp.
i signed up for the camp last year too, but i didn't go in the end.
this time, i finally got to experience the feeling of going without food for 30 hours.
it wasn't as agonising as it seemed but it got abit intolerable towards the end when we started to anticipate the food at the end of the camp.
i have learnt alot through the camp, about children with aids who lost their parents since young and have to struggle to make a living for themselves.
my group facilitator, unlike some other facilitators, was someone who was kinda serious and always reminding us of the objectives of the camp and asking us for our reflections after the end of each activity. and that, i feel, was what made the camp even more meaningful.
she shared with us her experiences during her trip to the impoverished areas.
and she said she has started on child sponsorship since 18 years old! up till now, at the age of 28, she has already sponsored 10 children.
she had inspired me pretty much. and right now, one of my main goals in life is to sponsor a child! :)

here's a couple of pictures from the camp!

day two, we had to go around from door to door to collect newspapers and old clothes at the tampines hdb estate.
my group did 6 blocks of flats.
could you imagine how exhausted we all felt by the end of the 3 hours we took after climbing up and down the stairs, knocking from door to door and carrying heavy loads of newspapers and clothing from one location to another under the blazing hot sun with an empty stomach?
haha but we survived nevertheless.
then we headed down to downtown east for the finale concert.
and the highlight was, A-mei, who was also the world vision ambassador, performed for us!
oh i forgot to mention that i got to see her quite close up during the opening ceremony in day one! she looked really pretty in person. haha
and finally came the moment we all had been waiting for.. break fast!
haha everything tasted so nice after being deprived of food for 30 hours.
:D

today i initially wanted to go jurong bird park for the world donors' day carnival but i still felt unwell after falling sick last night. :(
so the whole day i spent my time lazing around at home and had a very good rest. haha
the first phase of my study plan had already gone down the drain.. :(
but at least it's not too late to start from the second phase eh?
haha i always try to find ways to console myself.

plan B, here i come!
:)

may~

2009-06-04T00:11:00.003+08:00

i enjoy travelling alone on the train, especially during non-peak hours when there are very few other passengers and many empty seats around.
i would always find myself a seat at my favourite two-seated corner and i would either observe the people around me or stare at the outside scenery in deep thoughts.
like today after maths mass tutorial, i trained home by myself.
i was happy to find an empty seat at my favourite corner the moment i stepped into the train.
at that instance when i sat down, my mind switched into the thinking and reflecting mode automatically.
i began to think to myself that i should draft out my study plan and hurry get down to serious mugging.
i thought about cutting down on the time spent on watching tv and playing com.
i decided to buy three delicious red bean baos for myself from the coffee shop near my house later.
i tried to imagine the train being stationary and it was the world outside that were moving instead.
and i fianlly decided that it was time to update my dead little blog.

it has been more than a month since i had my last blog entry.
the month of may had been plagued by laziness and fatigue for me.
i ponned school, ponned lectures, ponned tutorials, didn't do homework... i had been a very bad student. :(
finally june holidays are here!
now after much rest, i feel more energised and more motivated to study! (albeit at a take-my-own-sweet-time rate)
still, i couldn't resist the temptation of ponning the makeup lectures the past two days.. BUT i managed to drag myself to school today! :D
cheryl joy was right.
you should never try ponning school at all, not even once.
when there is the first time, there will be a second, then third, fourth, fifth....
you can get addicted easily.
now i am trying to kick off the habit. still trying.

many things happened over the past several weeks.
we got bronze for our guitar syf to much despair, shock and disappointment. but since then, we got much bonded tgt as a guitar ensemble than ever before, so i suppose it was a blessing in disguise?
then there was the guitar bbq at roxane's house.
then... i can't recall much already. haha
oh yes, more recently, i helped out for the special olympics pre-event. i was very inspired and touched by the sheer determination exuded by the athletics. there will be two more bigger ones to come in this month of june. :)
AND there was the aj's dazzle concert! cheryl and the et section juniors came down to support!
was so touched that they came, and paiseh at the same time. felt like it was my first (and last) concert although it wasn't our very own guitar concert.
AND last but not least, we had our guitar farewell last friday. like what mdm khoo had said during one of her timely lectures to us, our "career" as a guitarist had come to an end and we will go on to start a new chapter in life. but at least for me, my passion for guitar does not end here.
i am glad for all the wonderful memories i had. the most memorable times i have in aj will definitely those spent in guitar. :) and not forgetting the many valuable friends i have made.
till now, i have not regretted a single bit for choosing to quit band and join guitar instead.
although aj band is like so prestigious now. (gwh leh! vs guitar's bronze)
haha :)

shall end here for the time being !
-to be continued-
haha

left misunderstood

2009-04-18T22:25:00.004+08:00

guitar syf is coming in slightly more than one week's time.
next week i will be having guitar pracs everyday! :O

had guitar prac as usual this morning.
today cheryl liu came to my school for her band prac!
it was always such a delight to be able to see my good friend again! even though the last time i saw her was just a few weeks ago.

it came at the right time when i had been feeling quite depressed lately (and nobody could tell..).
i felt so cheered up. it definitely made my day. :D
after guitar was lunch at thai express with some of my sectionmates. the food was good. :)

i get tired easily nowadays.
today i was so exhausted that i went to sleep after i got home.
now i feel like sleeping again and i'm having trouble with my running nose. :(
if i carry on like this, i never gonna finish my homework man.
help me, i really need a pair of widely opened eyes, a properly functioned nose and a clear mind which i don't have right now.
argh.

i'm close to a handicap when it comes to expressing myself verbally.
and my disability has really caused me quite a major problem both mentally and emotionally.
it is the most frustrating when people don't get how you feel.
when you feel sad, people think you are happy.
when you feel angry, people think you are not.
and when you truly have good intentions for something you have done, people think otherwise.
as a result, misunderstandings arise and sometimes when things get too complicated that i don't bother to explain anymore, it's either time will eventually let the truth speak for itself or these understandings just get deeper and deeper.
i really pity shengwu in the channel 8's drama series "Tables of Glory".
i feel connected to him. i can understand how he feels.
nonetheless, his determination prevails and that is inspiring.

believing there is always a rainbow at the end of the day

depressed random thoughts

2009-04-17T20:28:00.003+08:00

if i were to choose,
i would rather be a tree, supplying oxygen to human beings.
i would rather be a purple flower, being admired at by human beings.
i would rather be a stray cat roaming in the streets, being occasionally fed by human beings who are kind enough to give me food.
i would rather be a tree, a flower or a cat even though i would run the risk of getting chopped down, trampled upon or bullied and killed alive by some heartless and evil human beings.
but one thing for sure, i would never want to be a human again, in my next life.

some random thoughts, while i rot at home today.

a grumpy post

2009-04-16T20:26:00.002+08:00

i thought repeatedly to myself and tears surging back and forth,
"what have i done to deserve all these?"
from initial disappointment, sadness, numb, and now, i am truly pissed.
i am angry not because you decided to ditch me for a long-time-no-see friend at the very last minute.
i am angry because of the frequency at which such situation of similar sort has happened.
i am angry at the reckless way in which you deal with it.
i am angry because you have not been responsible enough to inform me in advance each time when you know you can't make it and will only do so when asked.
i am angry because this has, unfortunately, already become a norm.

is "too tired" ever a good reason for not keeping a promise?
to you,
despite what you have promised, you don't come to school or fail to bring some stuff which a friend asks you to etc because you are too tired.
to me,
i feel extremely tired and feel like ponning very very much but i will still drag myself to school because i promise a friend to do something and/or there are notes to be collected for the class etc.
we behave oppositely.
maybe it's the difference in values which each of us upholds.

i thought i am immune to this kind of emo friendship thing already.
but today i experienced the same old familiar bittersour feeling again, in my throat.
old wounds were reopened. but i tried hard not to think too much.
not to think too much. not to think too much.

perhaps i have been expecting too much from my friends.
perhaps i have been too over-possessive.
perhaps i bear grudges too easily.
perhaps i should just let things be and not be affected by them.

aargh enough of my random useless rantings.
i am tired of them too.

today i went to the nearby amk library and spent the 2 hrs and 45 mins of my free time rather constructively studying for the physics VA lecture.
i had two interesting encounters at the library's cafe which proved that well, humans are still compassionate and nice creatures.

i ordered mocha favourite at the counter. the pleasant malay cashier then called out to a chinese woman who was obviously from china because of her strong chinese accent, "yi ge mocha favourite!"
i was instantly touched by the effort she made to communicate with her chinese colleague.
while waiting for my drink, i watched the malay lady asking the chinese woman how to say 'heart' in chinese. the chinese woman in return asked the malay lady how to say 'xin' in english.
their interactions moved me deeply.
quite touching isn't it? :)

then there was an incident when a little school boy spilled his coke all over the floor while trying to open the can and at the instant, he yelled quite loudly which startled everyone in the cafe, including me.
seeing what happened, a guy promptly walked to him and offered him a tissue to wipe his hands. :)

i hereby conclude that,
the world is still colourful

elation dominates above all

2009-03-31T23:58:00.003+08:00

30TH MARCH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEBE!
you are and will always be my no. 1 idol! :D

31ST MARCH

SYF SYMPHONIC BAND CENTRAL JUDGING COMPETITION:

SNSB- GOLD WITH HONOURS! !

thank you juniors, you have done us proud.
SNSB BRAVO! :D

march hols + e-learning days

2009-03-26T23:58:00.007+08:00

i'm a happy soul right now because number one, i didn't have school today and number two, i won't have school tmr too! thanks to e-learning day :DDDD
i'm a worried soul too because i failed to study as much as i had wanted to today.
and i won't have much time over the next few days to study too! :(
because..
today:
went back st nicks to visit the band with cheryl
tmr:
a very belated birthday celebration for elaine at sakae/ichiban
sat:
guitar prac, then regi's birthday bbq after that
sun:
my brother's birthday
and may i pls add further, mon 30th march:
HEBE'S BIRTHDAY! (though it doesn't affect me in any way.. haha xD)

the march holidays had gone past in a whiz.
road marshalling for the bike rally was a fruitful but extremely tiring experience.
besides standing like a lone idiot and waving the red flag for 3 hours in the morning, i could remember myself falling asleep several times in the day like many others, on the sofa at NTU and on the bus whenever we got the chances to because apparently all of us didn't really have a good sufficient sleep the night before spent on the cold hard floor of the NTU's sports hall.
i also got drenched in the rain which came while i was marshalling at my second station, then the entire event was called off due to the rain and we the road marshals ended up being trapped on the bus...
however, despite the unpleasant episode, i had gained alot more from volunteering in the event.
besides getting to make new friends, i met jasmine, my very nice sec 2 classmate! :D
we wanted to exchange our phone nos but in the end we didn't manage to cos we got separated onto different buses the next day and we never met again. :(
but nvm, at least i know which sch she is in now. :)

went for the guitar prac which hit the record of our longest guitar prac ever- 5 hours
i also had an one-day guitar camp which earned me several big orh cheys around the upper parts of my both ankles.
then finally we had our guest performance at RP last sat.

some peeks at our practice/holding room@RP

the section 3 girls :)

the third row's section 3 girls :))

section 3 and percussion girls :D

hmm so, the new term has started, with much dread.

but as my pd tutor puts it, it is already our third last term in aj.

hmm sounds pretty good and encouraging.. ;)

hmm but how about that it also means only 200 plus days left to A levels?

*panic* ahhhhhh......HHH :O

it's really time to start my study quest on this very night.

the midnight oil, i shall burn.

holipasta!

2009-03-13T23:43:00.005+08:00

tmr's guitar prac is cancelled! :D
but it also means an extended guitar prac next wed. :(

going for the nus open house tmr.
then at night, i have to sleep over at ntu for the bike rally event the flollowing day which will most probably take place until late evening.
so my weekend is already filled = no time to do homework
xP

the schedule for next week is equally packed too, which is largely dominated by guitar. (pracs, camp and concert)
chem extra lesson and maths makeup lecture also come and ka-jiao my precious holidays too. :(
march hols = tons of homework to do and tests to study for
i was trying to draft out my homework cum study plan for the holidays.
and i faced immense difficulty in trying to figure out a way to squeeze so many things within a span of much >7 days of proper holidays i have.
:(

i think i got deeply influenced by nive.
now i have come to develop a penchant for pastamania's pastas.
we just had our second lunch indulgence at bishan's pastamania today after school.
we had been looking forward to our next pasta lunch ever since our first one but it was postponed time and time again due to unforeseen circumstances.
and today, FINALLY we got to eat it again! :D
nive's a fan of al funghi while my favourite is teriwasa tori.
we couldn't resist the temptation so we ordered the same pastas again. haha:)

"train is train. bus is bus. train and bus is train and bus." -The Cute One

"touch no see. see no touch. touch and see must pay money." -The Hot One

***Childish Indulgence Gives Me Happiness***

5/3/09- the day i completed my last napfa test

2009-03-05T23:25:00.008+08:00

i feel very happy and accomplished today.
not because school ended quite early today.
not because i'm "enjoying" writing my 16 mark geog essay now.
not because i know that every lesson will be shortened by 5 mins tmr.
IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE FINALLY COMPLETED THE LAST NAPFA TEST OF MY LIFE!!

the 2.4 km run this morning wasn't a breeze. in fact, it was a really really painful one.
but i managed to pull through and it was the feeling at the completion of it (and after my stomach cramps had eased..) that was the sweetest.
and the bonus was i had my personal best timing and got a C! :O
thanks to those who had helped me, guided me, encouraged me and cheered me on and chewps who ran the last lap with me.
and also special thanks to the extremely nice xue en who wrote down and passed her "wu lin mi ji" to me a day before the run.

this is what it says... **beneficial for those who can't run and have weak stamina like me too!**

16 TORCHES TO GUIDE YOU THROUGH THE DARK!

1) THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING EXCEPT RUNNING
2) IT'S THE LAST FINAL 2.4 RUN ALR!
3) NEVER GIVE UP. NEVER NEVER THINK OF GIVING UP.
4) DON'T NEED TO BE THE BEST, BUT U CAN DO UR BEST.
5) SQUEEZE TO THE FRONT AT THE START AND RUN WITH THE VERY FAST PPL
6) TAKE A DEEP BREATH B4 U START AND BREATHE DEEPLY SUBSEQUENTLY WHEN U FEEL OUT OF BREATH.
7) STRETCHING AND WARM UP PROPERLY
8) WHENEVER U FEEL LIKE GIVING UP, LOOK AT THE SKY AND SMILE. THEN TELL URSELF "JIAYOU!"
9) IT IS TOUGH, IT IS TIRING BUT U MUST CONQUER IT AND NOT LET IT CONQUER U INSTEAD
10) COUNT UP, DUN COUNT DOWN (after running 1st round, tell urself "i ran 1 round le" not "huh? still have 5 runs?!")
11) TELL URSELF IT'S THE LAST TIME U ARE EVER GOING TO RUN 6 ROUNDS. after this no more afternoon pe!
12) IT'S PURELY DETERMINATION, NOTHING TO DO WITH PHYSICAL HEALTH
13) BELIEVE IN URSELF
14) U WILL FEEL GOOD AFTER U RUN WITH ALL UR MIGHT
15) DUN FEEL STRESSED OUT. IT'S JUST A 2.4 RUN.
16) THINK OF OTHER THINGS TO DISTRACT URSELF (eg eyecandy, subjects' qns, concepts, gp qns, maths challenging qns etc)

~author: xue en and co-contributed by ah jerm and jia en

i have come to realise that running is more than just what it is.
the concepts of running can be applied to other things in life too.
on the whole, i have learnt three important lessons in life
- i dun need to aspire to be the best but i can always strive to be the best in myself.
- if others can do it, i can do it too! but what if others can't do it.. does that mean that i can't do it too? no! that where my mindset, whether positive or negative, plays a vital part. it dictates the way you think.
- determination does wonders!

:)

if i were to leave the world anytime soon, today would be a perfect day.

2009-02-26T23:11:00.004+08:00

"if i were to leave the world anytime soon, today would be a perfect day."

i just suddenly had this somewhat emo, depressed thought came running in my mind at some point of the day.
not that something unpleasant, depressing or discouraging had happened to me and neither was i feeling extremely depressed.

basically i have two reasons why i felt this way.

1) i had a 2.4 km run practice today and i clocked 15 plus mins which was a huge improvement from my usual 17 plus mins timing. (i had accomplished something quite astonishing to me = no regrets anymore)

2) i seemed to have seen and/or talked to almost every single person whom i know and treasure in my entire life through various forms of interactions.
>>>
verbal: long vs short conversations, face-to-face vs over-the-phone, hi-s and byes
>>>
written: self-initiated vs received sms-es, replied vs unreplied sms-es, msn
>>>
physical contact: a pat on the shoulder vs poking at the side of the ribs
>>>
visual: eye power

this is what happens when you are left all alone to reflect on the day.
such thoughts full of gratefulness and emo-ness are what you get.

Childish Indulgence Gives Me Happiness (CIGMH)

2009-02-16T23:10:00.003+08:00

Childish Indulgence Gives Me Happiness (CIGMH)

-with the courtesy of The "Hot" One x)

i like this phrase alot.
it was actually a passing comment made by The "Hot" One.
but i seemed to have such fond attachment to it that i immediately wrote it down somewhere in my lecture notes.
even the act of jotting it down and giving it abbreviations already gave me a quirky sense of happiness.

childish indulgence, that's what we do to get by each dreadful day in school and to give our dull mundane life a little jolt of amusement.
like dribbling and drawing incessantly onto our notes throughout lectures, fighting over our imaginary lover, watching the uncle wash the floor with great fascination, trying to do CPR in attempt to revive a dying flower...

how to survive the stressful JC life?
CIGMH is the answer.

friendship day: guitar song dedications

2009-02-09T22:22:00.003+08:00

in a wink of an eye, it is already the last day of chinese new year.
=no more ang baos :(

today was a pretty good day i would say.
some of the guitar members had an unusual mission today.
haha we were to play the songs which the people had dedicated to their friends or classmates as part of the friendship day celebrations.
my group, which consists of shurlene, pauline and myself, performed for two dedications.
played 'dui mian de nv hai kan guo lai' at 9.45am and 'hey there delilah' at 12.45pm.
it was unexpectedly fun and enjoyable!
hugely because the two classes which we performed to were rather enthu and very encouraging. :D (despite the apparent mistakes and screw-ups we made eg. forgetting the lyrics, uncoordinated singing and playing and forgetting the notes/chords..)
but it was also these flaws that made the entire process alot more funny and lighthearted.
i couldn't help smiling in embarrassment and amusement for the next 30 mins or so esp after the 'dui mian de nv hai kan guo lai' performance. haha!
oh man, i dun mind playing for this kind of song dedications every week cos it makes me feel really happy. :)
but sadly, this activity only lasts for two days.
and i have no more business tmr. :(
haha this shall become a pleasant piece of memory in my life.:)

speaking of friendship day, i received a very touching and meaningful msg from evonne last night.

it says:

有一天，天爱上了海，可是空气阻隔了他们，
他们无法相爱，天哭了，
泪水落在海里，
即使不能相爱，
天也要把灵魂托给海，
从此海比天蓝。。。

当所有人在关心你飞得高不高时，
只有少数人在关心你飞得累不累，这就是朋友。

爱+爱 =非常爱
爱-爱 =从头爱
爱*爱 =无限爱
爱/爱 =唯一爱

spread the love ~~today~~ everyday!
:D

2009-01-29T23:23:00.002+08:00

i'm prepared to behave like a disabled person tmr.
today's morning pe was horrible.
had standing broad jump and ipu trainings plus 5 rounds of running/jogging/walking around the track
i'm already having difficulty doing any physical movements which involve the bending and unbending of my legs.
*groan*

school has been alright i guess. so far.
time flies like nobody's business. even cny feels exceptionally short this year.
feels like school just reopened yesterday.
still got plenty of holiday hwk not done.
oh, i passed the guitar syf audition. so did many others. :)

dream.
dream dream dream.

sch's starting again :(

2009-01-11T23:08:00.002+08:00

as i bid my last goodbye to my long honeymoon holidays and prepare myself for another stressful J2 year, i want to tell myself that i have no regrets having spent my holidays the way i have spent it, although i haven't fully utilise it well for academic purposes.
at the present moment, i have only completed 1/10 of my holiday hwk and i really dunno what to expect when i start to see my teachers and classmates again tmr.
but it's alright.
everything will be fine.

i'm glad that i have enjoyed my holidays, doing things that i like.
and now, i will be getting very busy with school again. :(

one of my main goals for 2009:

kick my bad habit of pushing everything to the last minute

:P

algorithm march

2009-01-07T23:14:00.005+08:00

yesterday i had a great night out at the AJ-CJ combined band concert. :)
today i am down with a really terrible flu. :(

i stayed at home whole day, trying to chiong all my holiday hwk which was extremely unproductive, all thanks to my untimely flu.
right now, my nose has grown numb, which is good since i'm finally at "peace" now.
my flu has given me lots of problems which all come as a package- runny, itchy and pinky nose, lethargy, restlessness, weak arms and legs, and a really really blurred mind.

i just did something embarrassing which justified that my brain had gone haywire.
i messaged two of my friends at the same time- first i asked CS if her results had been out, then i asked JE why i couldn't upgrade my gc.
CS replied first, ".. no la, it's on fri.. still have to wait.."
somehow i had it in my mind that it was JE's reply,
so i replied back, "oh so you mean we must wait till fri then can upgrade our gc ah?....."
apparently CS didn't understand my message and asked if i had sent to the wrong person.
i went to check my sent messages and found out indeed it was true. so i resent the same message to JE instead.
then i went back to my inbox and finally realised what was happening!
that means i sent two consecutive messages to JE without her even replying.
ahh! -hit my head against the wall-

okay enough of my embarrassment.
anw i just created a new special blog of mine called 感恩的圆心which serves a very meaningful purpose to me.
it's written mainly in chinese because nowadays i can't find any other chances to write chinese words anymore.
i intend to update it once a week about all the things which i feel grateful about during the seven days of the week. :)

my brother just introduced me to this interesting video.
take a look!

at first i was kind of clueless as to why the lone guy at the start was dancing in such stupid dance steps.
then it finally made sense when they did the dance together in a row.
how fascinating!
i take my hat off to whoever who created these dance steps called Algorithm March. :)

ENJOY! :D

GARDENFEST PICS

2008-12-23T23:38:00.008+08:00

GARDENFEST PICS! (taken five months ago, ha)
went with florence that time, somewhen in july.
the exhibition was really great.

pretty flowers, sweet scents :)

drawn back to reality

2008-12-12T23:58:00.006+08:00

DRAWN BACK TO REALITY

i just returned from malaysia trip a few days ago.
and i have been stuck to the tv and youtube ever since.
time to update

the trip was quite an enjoyable one.
bought alot of things. it took us two trips before we could empty everything from the car. haha
went to genting, then KL, then finally malacca.
the trip to malacca felt a little different this time cos i was interested in getting to know more about its baba and nyonya culture, thanks to the little nyonya show. ( haha the nyonya craze is creeping up in me again. )
it was a pity i didn't get to visit the baba house musuem. :(
celebrated my sister's birthday there as well.

i am very happy to be back in singapore, but at the same time, rather reluctant.
there are tons of homework waiting for me to touch them.
and i know i need to study! ...but i still dun feel like. :(
in order to make myself feel a little better, i must mention that i had finally completed my maclaurin's series tutorial!... over a span of more than one month.
:P

strictly speaking, i haven't been going out to meet anyone yet since my return.
blame the lazy bug in me. x)
but i enjoy my life this way- crop myself at home whole day, do some housechores, occasionally forking out 15-30 mins of my time reading the lecture notes until i would eventually drift away to go strum the guitar a little, and finally spend the rest of the day watching tv, videos and movies.
how nice it would be if life can go on like this forever.

anyway, i finally FINALLY uploaded many of my pictures via my bro's phone.

on the 20th november (my birthday!), i went to ride on the singapore flyer!
here's a glimpse into my first ever top of the world experience,

i am seventeen!
and twenty-two days old.

:)

incurable nyonya craze

2008-11-29T02:59:00.004+08:00

INCURABLE NYONYA CRAZE

it's around 3am now and i still can't get myself to sleep.
so here i am while awaiting for my drowsiness to kick in.

i have difficulty getting myself to sleep nowadays
and i dunno why.

anyway, my sister just changed and edited my blog skin yesterday.
i'm quite satisfied with it cos it looks purple and simple now. x)

i'm already madly in love with the little nyonya, the channel 8 9pm show although it's only at its 4th episode so far.
my heart breaks terribly for ju xiang.
and it once again reignites my support for jeanette aw.
her acting is superb in the show!
i swear i will definitely go buy the dvd once it comes out.
ahh i know i'm getting addicted but who cares la.
i feel a little crazy and high now. :D
probably that explains why i can't sleep.

i will be leaving for malaysia this coming sunday and be away for the next one week or so.
yes, the same old place again.
but i'm quite looking forward to the trip this time since i had missed the previous one during the june holidays.
come to think of it, i find it rather unbelievable at how i had the courage to actually dare to stay alone at home all by myself while my family was away for 4, 5 days.
but now i dun think i have the courage to go through the same thing again.
this shows a mounting timidity secretly building up within me as time goes by.
haha

but the sad thing is, i will be missing 5 consecutive episodes of the little nyonya!
:' ((((
can anyone who has a dvd recorder at home help me record down the shows, please?
PLEASE.

sigh
:(

memory loop

2008-11-19T22:46:00.000+08:00

last satarday went back st nicks for some home coming event and stayed there for only about 20 mins or so.
bought 10 plus bucks worth of stuff from cheryl joy's stall and ended up with insufficient money to buy that st nicks old girl shirt which i always wanted to get.
haha so i still had to borrow 15 bucks from her in order to get it. x)
woo.

went to the book fair at suntec on sunday.
bought some stationery and books despite my mother saying that i would leave them to rot along with the rest of that untouched pile of books on my desk, which i strongly denied but secretly thought it was quite true. haha
i intend to go back there again, probably this weekend. :D

on monday late afternoon, met caishi and kaijun and played badminton at cck stadium.
played continuously for about 2 hours i think, which was quite shiok cos i haven't been playing bad for quite a long time.
haha :D

then had guitar prac yesterday.
haha i was late for 45 mins cos i overslept.
didn't do anything much. learnt how to play some chords for i'm yours, stand by me and this potential.. sth song.
initially jia en and i wanted to go watch movie after guitar but both of us were too tired so we decided to go home instead.
and she gave me a present which was entirely made by herself!
it is a kind of notebook with my name on it.
haha i'm quite amazed by her handicraft and creativity. :)

then today was supposed to go exercise with caishi at the gym but it was postponed.
rainy days dampen spirits. :(

i suddenly feel that my memory is quite good or rather it has improved tremendously cos

1) i could still remember the exact name of my sister's favourite drink when my father and even my sister herself couldn't.
2) i could still remember cheryl liu telling me that she would be going to batam next week. (but she said she's most likely not going anymore.)
3) i could still recognise chia ying's voice when she called my house phone yesterday. (we hadn't kept in touch for close to two years i think.)
4) i could still remember the existence of mojo gang.
5) i can remember the chords for many songs i learnt quite well.
6) i can remember what others forget, sometimes.
7) oh and i can still remember that my birthday is coming in about 55 mins' time!

it's quite impossible for me to forget about my birthday cos i have been receiving happy be-earlied birthday messages as early as three days in advance *peeks at elaine* as well as today from zijing who is leaving singapore tonight. :)

there's guitar camp which happens to be on the 20th and 21st nov.
i ~~eavesdropped~~ ~~overheard~~ listened to some details of the camp during the exco's meeting which kind of go like this:
first day-
section bonding, lunch, practise for mini performance, games, guitar prac
-no sleepover-
second day-
guitar prac, lunch, designing of guitar crest, mini performance, barbeque

but i'm going to miss all of these.
which isn't really a bad thing since i dun really know anybody in my newly allocated section- Section 4
but i'm still happy to be in the section nevertheless. :)

ahh okay i'm tired.

captivated

2008-11-14T22:20:00.003+08:00

went for guitar prac today.
mr toh went through the boxer with us.
quite fruitful la. at least got some progress.
i can play from section C onwards now. :)

then had lunch at nyp with weiling, liying, jinghui and daphne.
i didn't know the four of them were all ex-classmates from the same sec sch until today!
headed back to sch again for mr moh's extra lesson.
shouldn't have signed up.
quite useless and boring. partly cos i see moh bu shun yan.
oops.
sigh, moh and toh.
they can form motto er ren zu or sth.
haha!

anyway, went back st nicks with evonne!
after today's band visit, we can conclude one thing: our juniors are "head over heels"madly in love with chocolates.
it was rather amusing to watch them wrestling over the floor trying to snatch our packet of chocholates.
haha
then played guitar with evonne, the piano pro aka cai nv. x)

and i received my very first early birthday present for this year from evonne: two prata sausages, exclusively from snsb! :D
they will be my breakfast for tmr.
hahaha :D

this morning, i read about one of the headline articles on the strait times which stunned me in disbelief.
a cleaner at the singapore zoo entered the white tigers' den and used a broom to provoke the tigers into attacking him.
he then held a pail over his head which, i suppose, was to protect his head and allow the tigers to bite his other body parts instead so he could still keep a perfect head when he died?
if that was the case, then it was apparently a futile attempt as it was reported that he suffered severe skull and neck injuries and died on the spot.

astonishing, isn't it?
what is this?
a latest innovative method of committing suicide?
what a foolish act.

until now i still haven't completed the maclaurin tutorial.
ms tan's gonna kill me soon.

O.O

i just notice a blister growing on my finger.

:O

doubtful certainty

2008-11-13T23:15:00.003+08:00

当幻想与现实形成强烈的对比，
你会选择面对残酷的现实，
还是滞留在让你随心所欲的幻想世界里?

如真要逃避现实，永远待在幻想世界里，
怎样才能做到呢?

人生琐事，躲也躲不了。
如何乐观面对是关键，也是个极大的考验。

perhaps that's what makes gaming so attractive and addictive.
it's an escape from the reality and a gateway to the virtual world.

sometimes the real and the virtual intersect so perfectly that it's not easy to differiate them anymore.
and i thought everything was just an illusion after all.

illusion.

delusion.

deception.

sometimes, my belief and perceptions turn out to be true.
but they usually don't matter much to me.

most of the time, my belief and perceptions betray me.
and when the truth deviates drastically from what i thought,
anger, disappointment and sadness surge deeply within.

then i start to question myself...

this is when endless uncertainty pervades;

joy versus sian-ness

2008-11-08T23:09:00.005+08:00

THE LONG AND TEDIOUS JOURNEY OF PW HAD FINALLY ENDED!
on wednesday, 5th nov at eh, around 8.30am, my pain was ended.
op was fine i guess although it could have been better.
nevertheless, i gave my best shot and it's finally over!
*rejoice*
:D

sent my sister off to shanghai on that same night.
she will be gone for 7 days with her fellow co members.
so jealous of her.

and nive's flying off to dubai today

ahh..

and my pair of sport shoes got stolen.

ahh..

2008-11-04T18:21:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL LIU! :D

never//

2008-10-28T22:51:00.002+08:00

this is such an abandoned, neglected blog.
sorry blog
i guess i have lost the momentum for blogging.

my life has been infested with pw, pw and none other than pw.
but it is not as intense now ever since the final submission of WR last tues.
yes finally,
after the many many heated discussions with my fellow group members
after all the "very constructive help" from our supervising tutor
after the horrifying episode when the moment of truth struck just three days before the actual submission
after having experienced how it felt like to have only one hour of sleep and came out totally unprepared as a result for op rehearsal the next morning
FINALLY, we got rid of that irritating pest.
now i just can't wait for OP exam to hurry come and go.
5 nov is the day.
the day to pw-free paradise.

hmm got back promo results last last last week i think.
not very good but still, it was a remarkable improvement from my mid year results.
my mid years grades:
UUSEE
promo grades:
UUEDD
promo grades after moderation:
UUEDC
haha my 'U' subjects remained stagnant or worse, deteriorated.
this means plenty of catching up over the holidays.
sigh
nevermind.

never give in (acknowledge defeat)
never give up (abandon hope)
never say die.

;)

information lag

2008-10-07T20:03:00.005+08:00

it's quite a shame but i have to confess it.
being a s.h.e fan, i actually didn't know that s.h.e had finally released their new album until recently, specifically after promos ended when i finally had time to read the latest issue of i-weekly.

i have only heard one of the album songs so far. that miss universe song.
and i thought the song wasn't really nice..

but no no.
my love for s.h.e hasn't died yet.
i still love s.h.e.
and i still love hebe nevertheless.
x)

till enlightenment comes

2008-10-07T18:16:00.004+08:00

okay i shall start from last thurs.
my class was among the first group to do our OP.
my group did fairly alright. so did the rest of the class, despite the last minute preparation.
so i suppose sacrificing the hari raya holiday for pw was worth it after all. :)
i think our trainer, ben was very nice. nicer than our own tutor.
at least he could give both genuine praises and constructive criticisms.
how i wished he was our tutor instead. xP

friday was sandcastle building at east coast park.
took a super long bus journey to bedok interchange then transferred another bus to get to the destination with a few other classmates who also stay around my area.
ended up half an hour late.
the entire activity wasn't considered fun to me. i didn't really enjoy it very much especially when we had to work under the scorching sun.
luckily ours was in the morning so it wasn't so bad.
well at least by the end of the activity, i had learnt how to build a sandcastle using three basic agents: sand, water and pressure.

saturday was spent slacking around and doing nothing at home.
in the late afternoon, went cwp to visit florence who was there studying for her last promo paper on mon.
actually she wanted me to teach her physics but i dun think i was of much help since i was already assured of a U for my own physics paper.
haha

went malaysia with my parents to eat breakfast and lunch on sunday.
while both my siblings were at home busy preparing for their exams.
heh heh heh :D

mon, went back st nicks to eat lunch with ah jerm. :D
had orange bowl and shared a bowl of mushroom rice.
we were damn full. but we can be never be satisfied. haha
next time when i go back, i shall try my best to resist the temptation of the orange bowl and eat western food instead. :)
then walked around at amk hub after that.
and saw books on sale at only one dollar each!
ah jerm decided to buy one book and i bought two.
haha suddenly makes me think of the 4D cheapo club. x)

today!
my class had three hours to spare before our first lesson would start.
and so most of us spent the three hours doing intensive excercise.
caishi and i played badminton, then gym, then badminton again.
haha i feel like an exercised person now.
got back geog paper today.
and i officially received my first U grade for my promos.
we did worse than for midyears.
out of all the h1 geog students, only five managed to pass and that includes the two who got an S. haiz i hope i will be expecting only another one more U for physics when we get back all our papers on thursday. *crosses fingers* x
if among gp, maths and chem, any one of them fails, i can go and die.
cos i haven't seriously go and think about what i would do if i were to retain yet.

sigh

a terrible blow

2008-10-01T01:17:00.002+08:00

dunno why i feel so tired today even though i only went to school for 5 plus hours.
i slept for two plus hours when i came home until i reluctantly woke up for dinner.
was it because i was too shocked about the last minute news that my class will be doing our oral presentation on thurs?
or was it because i talked too much today?
or was it because i still ate lunch although i said i wasn't hungry?
or was it because i was feeling too sad over the fact that my precious one-day holiday is going to be sacrificed?
:/

my much anticipated hari raya holiday is now ruined.
screw pw.
argh.
why tell me why
stupid tutor should have told us earlier! >:(

i have just finished doing the ppt slides and is supposed to start writing my script.
but i am like sitting down here doing nothing because i have no idea how to start.
so i decided to do it tmr instead.
but that will mean waking up early in the morning to do so so that by afternoon, i can go meet my other group mates to collate everything and rehearse for the rest of the day.
ha ha ha so this is how my hari raya holiday is going to be spent.

i feel jealous of the juniors because they won't have to experience the kind of pain and agony that we are going through throughout the entire sickening process of pw when they come jc.
argh zao zhi ru ci, i should have retained for one more year in st nicks. =O

care no more

2008-09-29T21:19:00.003+08:00

maybe it isn't a good thing that promos is now over.
now i dread going to school even more like how i used to dread it especially in term 2.
the feeling is so intense but i know there's no way i can run away from it. :(
i think i would rather study than to do pw everyday.
argh.

today we had to go school for some self-directed pw discussion for 4 hours.
our tutor went off for some meetings and never came back again.
well, so my group really did self direct ourselves into some brief discussion for our op for the first one hour or so. then the remaining hours were spent stoning and rotting in the classroom.
what a life.

after school, finally got to see cheryl joy again after 3 long weeks!
thank goodness, she brightened up my extremely dull day or else i could have died out of ultimate sian-ness in the extreme darkness. :)
then accompanied her to clarke quay.
on my way back, i guess i was really too engrossed thinking about some stuff that i actually missed the dhoby ghaut station and went straight to little india.
sigh

lonely is independent.
they are the new words of comfort to me now.

evanescence of thought

2008-09-27T23:21:00.003+08:00

hi, i'm back from the week-long battle against promos.
i'm both physically and mentally drained.
it's time to recharge before i plunge into pw stuff from next week onwards.
argh pw.

gp was fairly alright i guess.
chem seemed alright too.
btw, alright means perhaps a borderline pass.
maths was a little disappointing.
geog was rubbish. early in the afternoon when i came to school, my one and only mindmap which i took the pains to draw literally flew down the drain. and i decided not to embarrass myself to go climb over the fence and retrieve it in front of a bunch of j2s. haha. it was already a bad omen.
i had so much time to stone throughout the paper cos i had no idea how to answer most of the questions and i delibrately left one entire 14 mark question blank. wow.
and finally, physics was a total disaster.

argh, i hope i will at least do slightly better than how i did for mid years.
if my results turn out to be worse even by a little bit, i will die in a terrible death cos it will mean a very high danger of me getting retained. :x

anw, met elaine and erica on friday after my last paper. :)
went back to st nicks and enjoyed a feast in the canteen.
ate the must-have orange bowl, the western food and many others. :D
then walked around the school and talked to the teachers.
i must say i always have this very special feeling whenever i go back to st nicks.
i feel very calm and peaceful, unlike in aj, the atmosphere is so different.
time seems to stop there.
i used to complain why st nicks has so many stairs and difficult to navigate.
now, i think that is exactly one of its greatest beauty. so mysterious and yet, beautiful.

my life in st nicks, esp my last two years there had left me with many precious memories, both pleasant and unpleasant ones.
3/4D, band, the funny, caring and committed teachers, the wonderful and loving friends, the classrooms, the track, the fam lounge, the canteen...
i remembered the very first time when i stepped into st nicks as a sec one.
we sat in the hall, listening to the principal's speech. one of the first things she asked us to do was to hug the person next to you. and i remember the person whom i hugged was mylene. x)
that was one of the many things i had learnt: sisterly love.
ahh.
thank god, the prime upgrading is postponed for another year which means we can still see the same old st nicks building for another two more years. :D

hmm thinking of the past and dreaming of the future really do help to shield away some of the unhappiness i face both in school and at home at the present moment.
sigh

present versus past

2008-09-13T20:22:00.009+08:00

zijing just sent us the class photos which we took on monday when we celebrated virnice's and puiman's birthdays. :)

not everyone was present though. :/

i have been repeatedly looking at the three class photos which we took for the yearbook since i received them yesterday.

and i still can't help laughing to myself cos they are seriously hilarious.

they have become a source of brief entertainment for me amid the tiring revision for promos.

this afternoon, i spent a little portion of my time looking through the neoprints which i had taken over the past few years.

there aren't many and i realised i haven't taken any this year.

but i couldn't help smiling to myself as i admired every single one of them.

each of them built up the strong feeling of nostalgia within me.

i wondered if everything had changed.

however no matter what, whether anything has changed or not, i can be rest assured that there is at least one thing that remains persistent till today.

the same problem which i have always been fretting about.

that is, my facial expression's inability to convey my inner feelings accurately for most of times.

there was one day when i couldn't take it anymore and i said, "i really enjoyed myself today, really. can you tell? can you tell?!"

now, come to think of it, i hope i really did sound agitated enough to be convincing though.

haha.

and it gets really frustrating at times when my facial expressions fail to send the notion to my peers that i am extremely upset or angry with them.

over the years, i have grown so helpless and numb about it that it doesn't seem to bother that much to me anymore.

haha i shall live up to my name of being an ultimate 'stone'.

and there's also the thing about me looking dao and being a person with few words.

i guess it has caused a certain level of misunderstanding sometimes.

but well, if i have always been like that for the past 16 years, or rather, 8 years, i don't see an urgent need to change any of that now.

i am stubborn but that's just me i guess.

and after all, i keenly believe that action do speak louder than words and hopefully, facial expressions.

action speaks for itself. :)

my dear red bean mooncake,

where'd you go,

i miss you so

where's my red bean mooncake

2008-09-11T22:48:00.004+08:00

hmm i feel very bored now.

promo's coming in one week's time.
and my revision is not even one quarter done yet. :/

slacked too much during the september holidays.
went to watch a movie FINALLY.
haha wall-e is sooo cute! :D
and i played arcade..
and peanut jammed.. haha
and watched too much tv..
and spent the last weekend sneezing.
until now, my throat still feel a little sore. :(

haiz.
this weekend is going to be a super busy one.
i need to refine my eom for the final submission next mon.
i need to study maths, chem and physics.
according to my plan, i aim to finish all my revision for these three subjects by this week so that i can focus the whole of next week on geog alone.
hmm.. well...
things always don't turn out exactly as what i plan anyway.
haha my plan is screwed once again.

i am very aware that my favourite mooncake festival's round the corner!
in two days' time i heard, on the news just now.
but my red bean mooncake is still nowhere to be seen.
oh no, how am i going to celebrate my favourite mooncake festival without my favourite red bean mooncakes? :(

sickening holidays

2008-09-02T23:57:00.002+08:00

congratulate me.
i just endured 5 sickening hours of gp lecture today.
plus 1 1/2 hours of maths tutorial.
thanks to jia en who came to sit with me halfway through gp lect and carolyn's "massage" during maths tut, making the process less torturing. :)

tmr- 2 hours of maths lecture, 1/2 (?) hour of physics tutorial and 2 hours of geog lecture.

i hate holiday make-up lectures/tutorials.
but i can do it. just one more day to go. yes i can!

-.-

stumbling stones

2008-08-27T19:09:00.003+08:00

school has been such an annoying hindrance.
it is especially so with such a subject called PW.

i have always wanted to catch a movie since eons ago.
the last movie i watched was....... (oh no, i can't even remember the title of the movie!)
but i remember i had to leave the theatre halfway through the movie cos of PW meeting. >:[
these two days, i had delightfully planned to watch mummy with cheryl BUT my wonderful plan was completely hindered and destroyed all thanks to PW again.

yesterday i had been rushing to finish my WR parts in the school library until i got chased out.
then i had to go back home to continue on my work again.
technically speaking, i spent 7 plus hours in total to finish the WR. :P
i could fully understand why jingwen said she felt like pulling her hair out when she was doing her EoM.
i felt like pulling my whole head out when i was doing my WR can.
so, outcome of the day: movie plan postponed.

today i still had to complete what i call the WR phase no. 2.
i took 1 1/2 hours this time round but that also meant missing the afternoon timing of the movie.
outcome of the day: movie plan ~~CANCELLED~~, changed to lunch at mos.

this is how sad and frustrating school life can be. :(

but i enjoyed myself today, despite a couple of unhappy incidents.
besides lunch with cheryl, i finally got to play badminton again after like 8 long months.
had much fun with nive. :)
woo!

anyway i am contemplating whether i should go to school this coming friday.
chances are 90% i will be ponning and 10% i will go.
there seems to be nothing about the school that makes me feel like going. not the school building, not the teachers and not the classmates. all i can think of are push factors. push, push, push
and i bet many people will be ponning too anyway.
take the national day celebration for instance, only a pathetic half (including myself) of the class turned up that day. :/

sigh

swirls, spins, stops

2008-08-03T22:51:00.003+08:00

translated from chinese,

celeste: mee, if i do well for my promos...
mother: are you sure it's possible? (sarcastic tone)
c: no.. as in the 'do well' means can pass.. will you buy me a laptop?
m: we already plan to get you one what. at the end of the year.
c: oh really ah? okay then i dun want a laptop already. i go think of sth else then.
m: -.-

went to school yesterday morning to attend a two-hour origami workshop.
quite interesting. and most importantly, it was for charity's cause.
we learnt how to fold a yacht, a container which is capable of holding water, a plane that flys back to you and a pair of talking lips.
haha fun and engaging.
but seriously, i have already forgotten all the steps completely by now.
haha hope they will send the instructions to me soon so that i can make more lips and boomerang planes. x)
then studied with florence at amk hub's mos. :)
at night, i went for some national day celebration dinner at bukit batok with family.

today was a rather busy, rushy day.
i felt rather active today! haha
in the morning, i went out to eat breakfast with my mother instead of staying at home to study cos i insisted so.
hmm then came home, finished chem tutorial and did abit of maths revision.
ate maggi mee for lunch. then decided to spend some time reading newspapers. but unfortunately there was no article interesting enough to lure me to cut out. haha
went back to do maths again before i suddenly felt very unhealthy.
so i rushed to the stadium at 6pm and ran 3 rounds around the track.
met alvis there! what a coincidence. haha i didn't know he lives around this area too and so near to the stadium somemore.
anyway returned home at 6.30pm sharp as planned. (i have good estimation skills.)
then immediately chionged to use the computer to do my WR draft.
finally managed to complete and send it at 8.05pm instead of the intended 7.30pm. (actually my time estimation is quite bad afterall.)
then i had a quick dinner and bathed.
and by 9pm, i was seated by my table to continue attempting the binomial qns.
then i got abit sian and went to strum the guitar a little.
and FINALLY, here i am.
and even so, i am trying to get myself to read the online geog articles at the same time.
apparently it isn't working.
my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier.

but i still have many things to say.
hmm i have been so looking forward to the national day holiday until i realise that it. falls. on. a. saturday. which makes no difference to me at all.
my excitement is dashed.
i badly want a holiday. :(
i want to have more, more and more time.
now i can't even find time to cut my hair!
D:

can the person who invented the calendar modify it to 8 days per week instead?
how i wish i can enjoy 3 consecutive days of weekends. :(

tomorrow is just another day, for me.
another dreaded day in school. *sigh*
but to those going to cambridge, it's probably a slightly special day.

have a wonderful journey. :)

remedy

2008-07-27T22:45:00.002+08:00

ash and bones- what all of us will ultimately end up as.

hmm many things happened this week.

monday- i passed my 2.4 km run!

tuesday- i ended school rather early right after chem spa.

wednesday- visit to OCS. means lessons ended slightly earlier and no cca. but school was so damn gan chiong. die die still wouldn't allow us to miss our last lesson of the day. they did so by shortening every lesson by 10 mins. -.-

anyway, the OCS trip wasn't too bad. the entire place appeared more like a resort to us, instead of the supposed training hell for the officer cadets.
got to shoot the rifle and see how life is like there.
seemed fun and challenging. hmm maybe if i were a guy and alot fitter, i would want to enrol there. haha
anyway, i saw many hwa chong jc and innova jc students there too. and amongst them, i saw hui pei! woohoo.
haha it was a great day i guess. :D

thursday- hmm i embarked on my first gp remedial? haha. actually i felt very much like ponning it cos
1) i ended school at 2.45pm and i had to wait all the way until 5.15pm before remedial started. it was scheduled to end at 7pm.
2) i wasn't feeling very well at first.
but glad that i went with swee lian in the end. it was quite useful and the teacher was nice and comfortable to listen to.
haha :)

friday- i stupidly brought my guitar to school only to realise that there was no guitar prac on that day. so i had to lug it around like how i did last week cos i arrived to school too late to deposit it in the guitar room. D:
anyway, there was parents-teacher meeting in the evening. my mother went. have i said that she was prompted to go cos of my bad results and not-so-good comments?
haha.
she met my pd tutor for 15 mins then left already.
haha after that she asked me why ever since primary school, all the comments from my teachers are always the same or somewhat similar one.
well, it shows that i have always remained stagnant all the while.
never change at all = absolutely no improvement

by the way, besides the gp remedial i mentioned previously, i am also in the physics one.
they call it the Project S.U.E (which in long means Super Useful Enrichment) Programme. -.-
as the acronyms suggest, it is meant for people who got U, S and E for their physics midyears la. haha

singapore garden festival with florence was surprisingly interesting and overwhelming.
and the scent of flowers was very strong and sweet-smelling. :)
shall upload the pictures of the exibition soon if possible.

2008-07-22T20:35:00.002+08:00

bad news.

my uncle had just passed away due to an illness.
although i am not really close to him, i still feel extremely sad.
because i thought of my cousin.
she lost her father at such a young age.
at the age of 17.
which is also my age too.

what if
what if one day someone really really really close to me left?
i would feel devastated. scared. despaired. helpless. lost.

:(

i don't want

ponning school or not: analysis

2008-07-17T21:39:00.006+08:00

i'm supposed to be chionging for tutorials and assignments like nobody's business now.
this has always been the case whenever it comes to thursday night.
why?
because the next day is a FRIDAY and friday is a demanding day squeezed with tutorials of all our H2 subjects.

tonight is exceptionally hectic.
look at the amount of homework, tutorials, assignments, essays, ... that are due tmr
- geog assignment 1 (urbanisation)
- geog assignment 2 (limestone)
- AQ essay
- oscillations tutorial
- EoM draft 1
:O and i seriously haven't completely any of the above yet.

i am in a dilemma now.
i have so many things to do that i seriously have no idea where i should start from.
so i will always end up sitting in front of this computer instead.

then here comes a moment when the thought of ponning school tmr starts seeping through my head.
but then, there will always be somethings that i am obliged to do like for example, i promised to pass someone something, i am supposed to do this, supposed to do that.
which in the end leave me with no choice but to force myself to go school or else i won't be able to bring myself to go mia with a peaceful mind.
in this case, i can't pon tmr cos
1. maths peer tutoring programme starts tmr and i am a tutee myself too?
2. i would like to hand in my AQ essay on time tmr so that i can hopefully give my tutor a better impression of me?
3. i am supposed to go for guitar prac first then go/ pon guitar prac to go watch cj's guitar concert with cheryl tmr?

argh so what.
i will most likely be going to school tmr after all. :(
with nothing done. (okay except, perhaps, my essay)

-

:(

so wise so wise

2008-07-14T20:52:00.003+08:00

"no matter how MOUNTAIN big the problem is, as long as you view it LIKE ANT-SIZE, then you will be a happier person."

i am never fully aware of what my real problems are. perhaps i do view my problems like ant-size sometimes.
there must be many many ants crawling within me every now and then.
but good to say, i don't feel their presence right now.
haha

thank you. :)

the best is yet to be

2008-07-12T21:36:00.003+08:00

this week,

i feel happy because

- there was no school on monday, very much thanks to youth day ---> thus it's a short short week
- i have been seeing the small small but smart and fast cheryl joy goh for almost every single day
- i had my first blood donation in my life on wednesday ---> i saved lives
- i bumped into yushi and jermaine at amk hub on wednesday too
- janice gave me a narnia postcard yesterday
- my guitar sectionmates are a bunch of crazy, friendly and hilarious people
-{edited} st nicks band got GOLD FOR NBC! :D

i feel sad because

- i lost my GP black file in school
- i lost my tie in school too
- my ulcer still refuses to go away
- i have flu today + no shuttlecocks = badminton date with cheryl liu is cancelled once again

i look emo because

- i am tired
- i am sleepy
- i don't feel like talking sometimes
- i don't like school
- i badly wish that there is no such a subject called project work that exists

what will we be doing 10 years down the road?
"we will be enjoying coffee at starbucks. no longer be drinking from the uncle mobeen's cos we will be much richer by then." -cheryl joy goh
:D

short and simple summary of the week.

shui chuang jing wo de chang di

2008-07-07T22:14:00.004+08:00

the past three days were very fulfilling.
basically, the three days were spent on 70% work and 30% play.
haha must emphasise more of the work and less of the play.

on sat, went j8 with florence and cheryl joy.
lunched at sakae. then stayed at mos burger to study.
then went to play arcade with cheryl.
it was damn fun and hilarious playing with her who had been deprived of all the fun for the past two weeks due to lung infection.
haha she even managed to get a stitch stuff toy with just one try.
then back to study with florence again.
haha i must say it was really really one of the most enjoyable day of my life. :D

the next two days were spent studying with flo again at novena and causeway respectively.
rather productive. managed to get most of the work done.
haha it brought us to a simple conclusion/equation,

studying out = >work done, <$$$

haha i guess i am starting to appreciate the life of a mugger.

and i have also discover that,

1) my memory is deteriorating / not as good as flo's

2) i am seriously losing my patience

ahhh i want more holidays!

my great plan

2008-07-04T23:09:00.006+08:00

long weekends to look forward to!
i didn't know there is a youth day holiday on mon until fanny mentioned about it yesterday.
i feel extremely delighted already at the thought of not needing to step into the school for the next three consecutive days.

let's see how much work i have to do during these three days:
~~-GP essay corrections~~
~~-chemical energetics 1 tutorial~~
~~-motion in circle tutorial~~
~~-graphing techniques tutorial~~
-20 plus newspaper articles mindmaps/reflections (impossible)
-EoM xP
-redo maths midyears questions
-read up the entire chapter on rocks and weathering seriously
-revise abit on physics

study study study. this is the kind of symptoms i am experiencing after taking back my mid years papers.
i can't say i am completely demoralised by the grades i am getting since i have never really bothered about how bad my results are. i am just a little more motivated to study now. haha

other things i want/would like to do during the three day break:
-play badminton
-practise guitar
-finish sewing my latest new born "child" haha
-sleep sleep sleeeep

okay talking about sleep, i really feel damn sleepy now.
zzzzzzzz

rebelling in silence

2008-07-01T22:32:00.005+08:00

i realise i generally tend to blog whenever i am feeling either too happy, too sad or too angry.
so you can probably know how i have been feeling, judging by how frequently i have been blogging nowadays.

perhaps it will be good if i can blog less often.
but it will only occur when i am too comfortably contented with life now that i have nothing to blog about or simply when i seriously am too busy to even have time to vent any forms of emotions onto my poor blog.

at the present, it is totally impossible for me to resist doing so.
my feelings have basically been alternating among the three (too happy/too sad/too angry) all this while.
and i tend to keep most of these feelings to myself cos to me, i think it is useless to tell everybody else about them when i know the problem lies deep within myself.
i am glad i found someone who is stuck in the similar situation as well.
so she's like my other channel for me to share and relate my problems with besides my blog. haha
or else i would have suffocated to death.

i had a chat with my ex-colleague (haha, i sound like a professional working adult) on msn last night.
it was interesting to note the kind of misperceptions he, or any other people who don't know me well, had of me.
it can be amusing sometimes when what they think of you doesn't exactly fit the real you at all.
i just wanna say i'm quite amazed with the art of masking although it isn't really intended for most of the time.

-

i gave myself lots of excuses to divert my attention away from my chem tutorial when i was doing it just now.
hmm that's bad.
but i seriously need to go to sleep now.

five hours weren't enough

speechless

2008-06-30T20:44:00.007+08:00

hmm they said the new timetable is out now.

i went to take a look just now and i seriously couldn't spot any difference from the old timetable.

hurr.

anyway, i felt a little frustrated now, with myself and everything.

and i don't know why.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

>:(

hmm managed to ask yingchen to send me some photos of the class outing. :)

part of the people who went :)

cheryl joy, get well soon! :)

life is beautiful

2008-06-29T15:13:00.004+08:00

4D'07 class outing at east coast park yesterday! :D
the weather was very fine, but a little too hot.
the most exhausting part was me having to lug four 1.5 litres of drinks and an icebox plus my bag all the way from my house to the mrt station. xO
then trained down to yishun to meet ah jerm, wanwan, flo, pei, vivien, rachel and yingteng.
then trained together to bedok station to meet jieying and abi.
then waited for super long for bus 401 to come.
reached east coast one hour later and met van lee and huichun.
settled down at a spot near the beach and picnic abit.
there wasn't much food and we didn't actually do anything much.
just sat down, ate a little, played on the beach etc.
it was a simple get together session, i guess.
subsequently, the rest came.
at night, we walked to parkway and had dinner at banquet. :)

haha let me list down all the people who went for the outing:
wanyi, jermaine, florence, peiling, vivien, rachel, yingteng, jieying, abi, stacey, genevieve, vanessa hui, vanessa lee, huichun, qingyao, eliza, yushi, valerie, julia, jean, yingchen, jamie, shiai, elaine plus me
=25 people!
that was more than half the class which was already quite good, although others like cheryl, shihan, yijia and erica they all couldn't make it. :(

on the whole, it was a really pleasant day spent with these fun loving (=fun+loving :D) people once again. haha missed them so much! xD
it felt as though everything is still the same when it apparently is not.
ahhhh, no matter what, they were one of the main reasons why i enjoyed my last two years in st nicks so much. :D
the one hour plus plus bus ride back to amk station with wanyi, jerm, eliza and vanessa after that seemed unusually short. :)
hmm and i had a really great time talking to little wanwan too! :D

i shall post the pictures another time when i get them. :)

woke up at 11 plus today.
spent the whole afternoon doing the pw stuff.
haiz i still find it hard to believe that school is resuming tmr.
abit i have already forgotten my timetable and i can't remember which were the last tutorials we stopped at.
well, i seriously need to refresh my memory first.
haha

term three onwards is surely going to be an extremely tough period.
i'm not sure if i'm ready for it yet. :/
but last night on the train home, i found something which wanwan said make a lot of sense.
it was rather enlightening, i must say although she might not have realised it. haha
because of that, i am motivated to move on now.
haha yay, i am enlightened by my little niece! xD

woohoo.
off to clear all the "post-war ruins" away from my table now. :D

insect terror

2008-06-25T19:12:00.003+08:00

one more paper left!
supposed to be studying for physics now.
but i still can't help it but to slack abit.
haha

today's maths paper was pretty eventful. haha
at first, i thought 8 to 11am was 2 hours.
so i was like chionging all the way, skipping all the parts which i couldn't do first.
then when i was at the last few questions, i looked at the clock which showed that it was 10am already and spent some time thinking why 2 hours had passed but it wasn't 11 yet. then i realised it was a 3 hour paper!

haha then horror came !
i was solving a particular maths question halfway when a bug/bee (?) ,as big as about the size of your thumb, fell from above and smacked right onto my paper.
wah lao, shocked me la. i wasn't sure how i should respond amid hundreds of other students in the exam hall.
so i used the paper to shove it to the side of the table a little.
since then, it glued/fainted down there throughout the remaining one hour. i thought it would fly away after some time. but it didn't! XO
i tried to continue concentrating on doing the questions. but i couldn't help glancing at it a number of times cos of how weird it looked.
it was like black in colour with big bright yellow dots on it. XO
haha after the paper ended, i was like telling caishi if i fail my maths paper, blame it. :D
(it was still clinging onto my table when i left the hall.. :O)

enchanted by the good, old times

2008-06-19T21:57:00.018+08:00

one of my favouritest photos :D

elaine the nan ren and her two nuu rens. haha :)

this was a typical scenario few minutes before a test. mugging and emo-ing. haha! :D

:D

me and lao po and jerm with her usual dumbness x)

happy picture of elaine, me and flo! :DDD

managed to dig out a picture of this one. cheryl joy! :D

et section@ jubliate'07 :D

haha the three of us, elaine, evonne and me :D

this is such a nice and lovely photo! haha played with my phone w/o my permission ah! x)

eupho section (then)

(present) they have all grown up ah. :)) looks abit blur and chaotic but this is the only picture i have. haha :D

i am very thankful to have used to own a phone with so much memory storage. haha
i was scanning through the pictures in my old phone the other time. brought so much sweet memories back to me. :)
managed to pester my brother to help me upload these pictures.
not all nice ones are uploaded though.
but well, i'm tired.. but truly happy now. :)

4D'07 class bbq outing next sat! should be more or less confirmed already la. yay! :D

tmr i will be studying with cheryl again. :)
then going to malaysia on sat to make up for not going last time. haha
lesser time to study? erm.. nevermind la.
haha

:D
<3

deadly disease

2008-06-18T23:07:00.004+08:00

i think my msn has contracted some virus thingy.
my sister admits she is the cause of the problem.
my brother thinks so too cos she has always been on the msn for long hours everyday so somehow.. err i don't really know how.
anyway, so next time if you see any instant message from me, please ignore it.
don't ask me things like "huh?" or "what's this?" cos i equally have no idea what you are talking about. : /

today went to bugis macs to study with cheryl.
studied for like 5, 6 hours. but it wasn't very productive for me though.
kept getting stuck at almost every single maths question. :/
and while i was solving a particular question halfway, i received a sweet random phonecall from cheryl joy goh!
haha miss her so much!
she was commenting that i am still so lifeless as before. and i totally disagree with it.
ever since i came to aj, i have come to realise that i am not exactly the most lifeless person on this island lor.

okay i am so dead.
i ought to be dead.
arghh.

random

2008-06-16T23:57:00.003+08:00

hmm spent today mugging for physics with lots of intervals in between for slacking purposes, of course. haha
actually i wanted to continue chionging until 1 plus. but apparently, my mother couldn't sleep with my table lights shining at her so.. here i am! :D
i plan to finish revising physics by tmr. haha rather ambitious. 5 topics within 2 days.
i hope i can really plant myself onto my seat for the whole day tmr and not get tempted by any potential threat that will lure me away from studying eg. the tv, the fridge and perhaps my guitar.
it will be better if my father is not at home tmr. oops.

i'm already starting to feel sad over the fact that holidays' ending real soon.
i'm kind of enjoying my life right now. doing everything at my own pace and not needing to care what i don't wish to for the time being. so free and relaxing.
maybe cos the weather suddenly becomes super cool right now, it makes me feel even more comfy and peaceful. haha
argh i don't want to be thrown back to school so soooon
-continue grumbling non-stop-

i just realised how strong my brother has become.
he used his entire strength to push me away just now. i forgot exactly how he pushed me, perhaps like the way how wrestlers normally do.
i lost my balance, tripped over the edge of the bed behind me and fell backwards onto the floor.
wow. fortunately i wasn't hurt.
i'm starting to regret not joining the reality martial arts huh.
haha!

back in action

2008-06-15T23:38:00.004+08:00

hello.
i have found my gayish little self back again today. :D
so i decided to reopen this blog. (if you hadn't realise, it had been inaccessible for some days, except to hp. haha)
but i can't retain my original blog address anymore.
i don't know why stupid blogger says that a dash is not allowed at the back. >: (
haha so i have to make it a little bit longer.
i will never ever change the name "invariant" cos it has a special significance to me. there is a story behind it by the way.
haha and as the word itself suggests, it is invariable.

and i'm going to change my contact number soon too once it gets activated.
hmm everything seems like a brand new start for me.
the past few days had been inundated with unhappy and depressing stuffs.
i was so downrightly depressed that i suspected i was suffering from depression.
it may not be due to any specific thing which happened that made me sad. it may be just simple things accumulated that triggered everything off. all my past and long forgotten wounds were awakened.

it prompted me to not go for the famine camp which was supposed to take place these two days.
kissed my 30 dollars goodbye just like that.
haiz but it's worth it la. didn't want to go there and appear emo either.
spent the two days, well, recovering?
yesterday, i wanted to go out somewhere to walk, alone, intendedly.
but in the end, the whole family just tagged along. ergh
at first went cwp with my mother and sister. and my mother treated us to kfc when i was supposed to starve like how i would if i had gone for the camp. :/
shopped abit before my father came and drove us to suntec for the pc show.
then my brother joined us after his volleyball training, looking rather filthy. there were like black marks smeared across his cheeks and he didn't even know. -.-
then ate dinner when it was already near midnight to celebrate early Father's Day.
i was supposed to starve! -.-

today i woke up at l plus in the afternoon. wow
then the rest of the day was spent watching tv and doing nothing.
which means i didn't make use of my weekend to mug at all. x)
my weekdays were spent revising maths. i managed to finish revising all the topics by now but haven't started practising yet. haha
so, my next week will be spent revising my three remaining subjects. erm seems rather taxing but i'm not really panicking yet. cos nothing is impossible to me when it comes to studying.
errr.... that's my excuse la.
haha

hmm.. i feel i'm back to normal now.
after all those struggles and reflections, some of my perspectives have changed for sure.
i have learnt to take things easy.
don't take things for granted. don't expect things to really happen the way you want them to be. we can't control fate after all.
and whenever you feel that you are trapped alone in your own plight, still do keep a slight belief, no matter how shaky it may seems, that there is always still a somebody, just somebody out there, who cares for you.
:)
this is how i felt at the end of the day.

2008-06-13T21:00:00.002+08:00

i had never cried so much in a day before.
cried for practically the whole day today. and it was damn tiring.
cried in the afternoon which made me feel so exhausted that i fell asleep on the bed for one hour plus. it felt so good to sleep. i even had a dream. some random ridiculous dream as usual.
then woke up and wrote a few maths notes.
after a short while, i started to feel uneasy again so i decided to go out for a walk.
climbed the hill in front of my house.
sat there watching the sunset while thinking through alot of things and crying non-stop.
finally decided to go back home when the sight of the descending sun was gone.
came back home, cried abit again.
and now, i'm sitting in front of this computer, feeling rather drowsy. my eyes feel damn pain and heavy..........

but i've got to finish revising maths by today.
one and a half more topics to go.
and i'm determined to start a little on physics too.
i dunno i can hold on for how long.
i need to perservere.

i dunno whether i should go for the famine camp tmr.
it's quite pointless for me to go in such a state. i dun want to go there and and look emo. moreover, getting more aware of global hunger and poverty will make myself even more depressed too. maybe i should just forget about my 30 bucks and my initial sparks of interest about it.
on the other hand, i have an urge to disappear from this house very much.
argh i really dunno.

okay i'm slightly more awake now.

i'm not going to have faith in anyone too easily from now onwards

-

2008-06-12T22:13:00.008+08:00

i was actually quite happy for a while just now when something just had to happen and made me feel all so down again..
(even though i had kind of anticipated it since things would always turn out the same way like ever before.) but i still can't help it but feel disappointed once again. you crushed my hope, for hoping that things would turn out differently this time for just once.

went back to st nicks today to study with elaine and florence.
took my sgc too.
i always thought the o level cert which i had already taken months ago was the sgc until recently, erm like just yesterday, when i saw my rv classmates' sgc actually came in a black file filled with testimonials and all that.
haha and i had never seen florence for ages.
the last time i saw her was during the o level results day?
haha she's still the same old florence.
i loaned her my watch to wear for the next two weeks and i expect to have it back during the 4D class reunion outing we are having soon. :) she better make it and not go for her stupid class outing to malaysia or else i will never have my watch back. haha

then dinner with xinyi at ichiban. :)
supposedly with kaijun too but i think he was suffering from food poisoning after eating some unhygenic food so he couldn't come in the end. haha
we ate about 3, 4 plates of sushi each and shared one.
haha it was rather satisfying. :D
hmm then i bought a pencil case at artbox! it caught my eye and i fell in love with it. x)
haha we spent quite some time contemplating whether to buy it or not. we compared its pros and cons and finally, i decided to buy it using the money which my mother gave to compensate me for not buying me anything for during their malaysian trip. :)
then xinyi bought her beloved chicken potato which she had always been telling me about.
haha :)

-

my mood a few hours ago: fairly good
my mood an hour ago: very bad

my current mood: foul to the max
just quarrelled with my mother over my messy table.
it is just plainly filled with all those irritating mountainous stacks of school notes and worksheets and files and etc. there is absolutely nothing i can throw away!!!!!!!!!
somemore it was my brother's fault for messing up my already spatial-constraint table even more when he used it just now without seeking my permission!
hmph

sadness never fails to find its way back to me;
happiness lost its way and never came back again.

i can't hide my tears anymore

the irony

2008-06-12T11:21:00.006+08:00

one good friend always did it to me.
i would feel hurt like i always do while she always seemed so indifferent about it.
she did it so frequently that i had begun to think that, perhaps it's a perfectly alright thing to do and that it wasn't something ought to be taken offence at.

yesterday i just did that same thing to my other friend without thinking that i had done anything wrong.
and as a result, i had hurt her.
:(

and so, i am finally convinced that it is therefore a bad thing to do.

what is morally right and wrong?
what is deceived to be right and wrong?
life is so confusing, isn't it?

-just a little reflection of my own
:)

quotes of the day

2008-06-11T01:02:00.002+08:00

yijia:

-"you should buy lightsticks to lighten up your day and feathers to tickle you and make you laugh"
-"when you wake up, i will always be there holding a cup of water for you."

aww i love my lao po. :D

hui pei:

-"slacking always has consequences."

xD

personality test

2008-06-10T14:47:00.005+08:00

hmm perhaps this way is better.
i feel a new lease of life.
haha :)

just did a personality test with just four questions.

1) put the following five animals in the order of your preference: cow, tiger, sheep, horse, pig

my answer: sheep, horse, cow, tiger, pig
results: this will define your priorities in my life- love, family, career, pride, money

2) write one word to describe each one of the following: dog, cat, rat, coffee, sea

my answer:
dog- faithful -my own personality
cat- demure -the personality of my partner
rat- stealthy -the personality of my enemies
coffee- refreshing -how i interpret sex (?)
sea- comforting -my own life
results: each implies... ^

3) think of someone who also knowsyou and is important to you, which you can relate them to the followinh colours: yellow, orange, red, white, green

my answer:
yellow- cheryl joy -someone i will never forget
orange- jiaying -someone i consider my true friend
red- elaine -someone i really love
white- shihan -my twin soul
green- jingwen -someone i will remember for the rest of my life

4) write down your favourite number and the favourite day of the week.

my answer: 27, friday

hmm i'm not sure how true this is..

dumpling fest

2008-06-08T21:55:00.003+08:00

erm it's duan wu jie today.
went to pray in the morning.
then had a super short fruitless shopping after that.
then came back home and had a feast at 4 plus which was my lunch cum dinner.
the rest had oysters and crabs for "dinner" again just now. xP
i had a rice dumpling too. :)
heard there are red bean rice dumplings too but i haven't got to try one yet. x)

hmm cheryl will be back from aussie tmr. :)
i miss having her around for the past few days.
i can talk to her once again, perhaps.

haiz.
my study plan shall start tmr.
hope it will be carried out smoothly. :)

i am lost for words.
sometimes i hope people can be a little bit more sensitive.

rants

2008-06-06T21:38:00.008+08:00

YOU.
what do you expect me to do man?
you dun pick up my calls and you dun reply my messages.
you make my life frantic and so full of question marks.
just a simple message to inform me that there is a change of plans would be very much appreciated.
should i be responsible enough to care when you, on the other hand, dun even bother at all?
i'm so not going to care any further.

and you.
should i feel hurt?
i dunno how i feel each time when you do that to me unknowingly, i suppose
i didn't exactly feel hurt
the feeling is just.. i dunno
perhaps i have so gotten used to it that i have become very numb with everything now.
perhaps i should continue to be oblivious.
perhaps you should just dump me into the bin if you dun need me anymore.

i questioned myself about my existence once again.
perhaps if i have the chance to live all over again,
perhaps if i can unwind all the things in the past that had impacted on me so much negatively in my life,
perhaps if i were stronger enough to disallow all those things to affect me throughout my entire life,
i could have been a very much more normal person leading a normal life and having a normal mindset and attitude; not the weird person whom i am now..

i feel a little better now after letting 1/3 of my unhappy/angry/dejected thoughts out.
i shall keep the rest to myself, as usual.
i'm my own best companion. no one will ever understand me.
argh enough, i'm adversely making myself even more depressed.

elaine's concert is tmr!
i vow it will be the last concert i am going to, at least before december comes.
look at the numbers of concerts which i watched in less than two months,
1) aj band concert
2) cj band concert (cheryl)
3) vj guitar concert (evonne)
4) aj choir concert (wanyi)
5) rj band concert (leonie)
6) st nicks' jubilate concert
7) nj band concert (elaine) ~~------[pending]~~

went back st nicks for pop.
mood-less and too tired to go on any further..
just :) to the juniors.
it's their big day today.
:)

bombarded

2008-06-04T00:19:00.004+08:00

this is so vexing.
my head is going to explode anytime soon.
argh nevermind.

shall pon lecture tmr but still go for tutorial instead.
will it be very weird?
aiyah dun care.
okay settled.

had chem mass tutorial today.
then was supposed to go kbox after that. but zixin and zijing couldn't make it in the end so only left the three of us.
i didn't feel like going too cos i realised i have so many things to do eg. geog tutorials and housework.
but in order to avoid being yet another wet blanket, i chose to watch movie with them instead.
we ate lunch at sumo house then watched narnia at amk hub.
i don't understand, why must cinemas always be so cold?
i kept shivering even with my jacket.
but anyway the movie was quite nice. :)
haha with kaijun and caishi around, there were many funny moments here and there.
shan't say, cos some were actually rather embarrassing. -winks at kaishi-
haha

hmm then came home and managed to finish 1/4 of the tutorial then gave up and went to iron some clothes.
oh btw, this is my fourth day since i embarked on my "zai nv/gong" life. haha
and i have grown tired of and sometimes, annoyed by the sound of the tv that i switch it off now.
ergh, weekdays' tv programmes are super boring! x(
and my mother just called from genting!
until now, i still can't seem to think of anything that i want her to get for me. hmm.. :/
and she asked me to rest at home tmr ( i.e. pon school ) if possible.
haha tempts me even more. xD
but aiyah it's impossible to stay at home the whole day cos there are also guitar and pw meeting to go for.
perhaps thurs is the only day when i can enjoy the whole 24 hours of life again at home?
the day when my family is coming back. :O

argh, stop it

= . =

2008-06-01T21:41:00.004+08:00

i feel like i own the entire house now. haha :D
this is my second day staying alone in the house.
living alone isn't as scary as i thought i would be afterall.
just that my tv becomes so tempting that it always draws me away from studying. :(
haha it's like my closest friend now. i have been keeping it on the whole day so that the house won't appear too silent.
so i ended up getting attracted to whatever variety shows and dramas the tv is showing.
which also means i have been doing nothing else but practically watching tv this whole weekend. :(
but anw i haven't been watching tv as intensively as how i do now for such a long loooong time!
haha i plan to catch up on the dramas on channel 8 from tmr onwards! hehe

hmm..
there's maths lecture tmr, chem on tues, geog and guitar on wed and guitar again on fri.
thinking about all these is already enough to make me feel tired. XO
although having to go to school is good in a way that it prevents me from rotting at home like how i am now, how i wish i can be ka jiao-ed by something else instead.

haha caishi just asked me to do an IQ test
and here's my result,

and the rating is exceptionally gifted?
haha quite unbelieveable cos i was totally half-asleep while doing it and there was actually an instruction which says that drowsiness might affect the score. haha
i guess it's something worth happying about?
even though caishi actually scored the highest rating :D
but given my slow-ness, stupidity and etc, getting a Very Smart is already a fortune.
haha

another one, just for fun

hmm okay
i dunno why i'm already feeling very sleepy but i still refuse to go to bed yet... :/
ergh

it's thursday

2008-05-29T14:54:00.004+08:00

had pw workshop today. from 8am to 1pm, supposedly. 5 hours! :O
reached yck mrt station at 7.56am and realised i had been on the same train with stupid jerm!
haha stupid jerm thought she, or rather, we were damn late cos she thought it started at 7.45am. but aiyah even if we were late also nevermind. abit there were still people coming in after 9!
listened to the lecturers talking about tips of writing a written report while desperately trying to keep my eyes opened.
then it ended at about 11.40am! 1hour and 45mins earlier! thank god.
i think the lecture group which my class was in at LT1 was the earliest to be dismissed. :D

then went causeway to eat lunch with caishi.
ate at yoshinoya with the honeydew sago drink from sweettalk which caishi bought but gave it to me when she realised theres milk added in it. haha
she watched me eat cos she claimed that she was already full after eating a bread and a chocolate muffin.
haha we were saying that the people in our class are weird, including me.
she thinks i am weird cos i am slow in everything. :(
haha

okay i shall go complete my maths tutorial now. :)

some things are better left unsaid;

listless

2008-05-28T22:01:00.012+08:00

this is my 200th post (including some drafts that were unpublished) over a span of close to four years.
is it considered alot or very little?

hmm had guitar prac today.
with mr toh, the same ci xiang guy who taught me during the guitar workshop last time. :)
learnt a new piece. quite challenging, especially to me cos i totally can't read notes in tremble clef.
chewpin was like asking "how did you manage to survive in band ah?" :(
haha i still so bu yao lian chose to play the first guitar parts cos of her.
but i think i would prefer playing chords or accompaniment to the melody.
maybe due to the influence of euphonium. i enjoy the background music more.

haiyah for some strange unknown reasons, i feel rather gloomy now.
okay i just waved to my mother for i don't know why. ahh i'm turning siao soon. xO
many bad things seem to happen recently.
myanmar's cyclone, china's earthquake, what happened to rongxuan, my uncle slipping into coma, my brother sprained his ankle, ...
last night i dreamt of someone very dear to me left.
early in the morning today, when i was slightly awaken but tried to coax myself back to sleep, amid all the commotions of the rest of the family getting up for school and etc, i happened to catch my mother asking my sister whether she could just not go to school today cos she dreamt of her "bu hao".
gahh

perhaps some pictures would cheer me up.

kaijun
and janice

same pose? according to caishi, these were taken when they were talking to each other. haha x)

caishi and kaijun folding cranes :)

elainelimsoosoo :D

evonnekohruirui :D

cherylliuyiyi :D

and my futile attempt to make funny faces with her

heaps of joy

2008-05-23T22:02:00.004+08:00

it's the last day of the term! yay
have been looking forward to june holidays so much although the entire one month will be used to pia schoolwork.
haha but at least i can go to school less often. :)

had gp paper this morning.
no much comments. just hoping for a pass. :/
the hall was damn cold!
luckily i was far-sighted enough to bring a jacket to school. wahahaha!
but i was still shivering even though i had my jacket on. :S

then went outside school to have lunch at pizzahut with zijing, caishi, zixin, zixian and xinghao.
haha then we left with satisfied stomachs and went back to school again for two hours of chem lecture. XO
amazingly we managed to finish covering the whole new stack of notes on organic chem within one day.
wah super confusing and difficult can! so many different kinds of terms and classifications that can make your brain go haywire.
haiz a little regret taking chem la. :/

after lecture, zijing, caishi and i went to watch movie at amk hub!
we watched accuracy of death. got that jin chengwu acting inside.
i think it was quite bittersweet and touching towards the end.
caishi was ranting that it was rather meaningless.
haha aiyah who cares whether there's any moral of the story behind it?
but perhaps the movie does try to tell us to value each and every day of our lives so that we will not leave any regrets behind. :)

backtrack
had no school yesterday!
met up with cheryl at plaza sing with the intention to study.
well, apparently it didn't turn out as productive as we would want it to be. haha
we bought some sushis and went to the food court to study.
i managed to read abit of my gp notes. then it was becoming too freezingly cold for us to concentrate so we went to window-shop abit and resettled at burger kings.
instead of studying, we spent much of the time there talking.
haha and i traumatised her with some of the touching incidents during the china's sichuan earthquake which i read from the newspapers.
hmm hmm then rushed to st nicks to meet evonne.
noms started one hour later. >:(
managed to watch haiching and kialin! :D
then had to rush off immediately after kialin finished. so didn't get to see ayu. :(
reached home at around 10 plus instead of the intended 9pm.
but neither of my parents ticked me off or commented anything about my late return, surprisingly.
woohoo.

yes okay, i shall begin my daily ritual of fulfilling 10 hours of sleep, starting from tonight!
:D

strum strum

2008-05-21T23:54:00.004+08:00

i just got my brand new classical guitar today! paid one hundred and seventy-five dollars. XO
came along with a free PURPLE guitar pick. haha cos i demanded for the purple one. and a packet of guitar strings. but! the guitar isn't tuned! arghh.
tried to tune it myself just now but apparently it got even more out of tune instead. ahh wells.
i finally discovered the difference between a classical guitar and an acoustic guitar in terms of appearance.
the width of the neck of the classical guitar is wider and its strings are made of nylon whereas my acoustic one has thinner neck and steel strings ( harder to play and pain! ) .
but for now, i still prefer playing my acoustic guitar cos it has been profressionally tuned by professionals. haha! at least i can still play something out of it. unlike my classical one, makes me want to puke.
haha hmm

bleah

2008-05-20T23:14:00.003+08:00

today is a super hotttttt day. XO
it was especially so during the two torturing hours of chem tutorial today.
the fan at my side was spinning at a slower speed than the others although it was turned on to its maximum.
i got very restless. it was too hot to even fall asleep la. so i spent the second half of the lesson drawing pictures all over my tutorial paper since i didn't understand a single thing the teacher was saying anyway.
haha :p

there's school again tmr and after which, there will be no more lessons, yay, .... for the term.
no need to go school on thursday !
but there's gp mid year test on friday though. :/
GP!!
oh man, i have slacked the most for gp.
and mr leong just chased me for my long overdued compre assignment. :p
but it's pointless to do it now cos i realised my compre tys is missing from my bag!
i suspect raj took it and he's guilty of it cos he didn't reply my msg.
haha
and cheryl just distracted me from attempting to do my physics tutorial. haha. so in the end i gave up on it too.
hmmmmmm sad. :(

anyway, last week was a pretty eventful week.
lots of things took place eg. china's earthquake, evonne's guitar concert, wanyi's choir concert, went back to st nicks twice, met shihan twice, met elaine thrice... haha
i have many thoughts right now. many many things are running in my head which have been accumulating since last week.
hmm but it's impossible for me to say it out now, not in this post at least.
maybe some other time when i can have all the time to waste.
haha like when will that be?

hmm off to sleep now.
:)

quote of the day

2008-05-16T00:15:00.002+08:00

xinyi:
"my tears can heal wounds and my kiss can revive the dead. my smelly leg can make unconscious people jump out of bed."

this is how she wants to repay me for promising to lend her ~~today's~~ yesterday's straits times newspaper so that she won't get killed by her gp tutor ~~tmr~~ today.

xD

good news: rx's condition is improving! :D

hoping for miracle

2008-05-14T22:15:00.005+08:00

hmm yesterday elaine, peiling and i went back to st nicks to fold paper cranes.
a few others came subsequently and within two plus hours we managed to fold a total of 101 cranes. :)

managed to finish my packet of coloured papers during free periods and secretly during physics lecture today with the generous help from some of my classmates. :)
people like kaijun, nive and janice learnt how to fold a crane from scratch. haha
it was humorous to watch how an impatient caishi was trying to teach a completely clueless kaijun.
haha and kaijun got so addicted to folding cranes that he was going to buy another packet of coloured papers to do it himself. :D

today was supposed to meet shihan at amk hub before going back to st nicks together.
took a long long bus ride back to amk from the vball competition venue till i felt like puking.
eliza boarded the same bus i was on when it was at one stop before i was about to alight! haha talked to her abit about how we miss 4D so much. ahhhh.
then at the bus stop after i alighted, i bumped into charlyne! haha witnessed her trying to bully haiching over the phone. x)
hmm by the time i reached amk hub, it seemed somewhat too late to go back st nicks anymore so we decided to have dinner at ichiban .
yay i could finally get to meet up with my dear sun zi!
had a great time talking about our jc/poly life.
oh and shihan found a way to motivate me!
i feel so uplifted now and determined to fight my laziness away and work hard.
my aim: pass the end of years' promos and not get retained
yay till then she will have to keep to her promise. :)

to rx:
you know, you are etched vividly in my memory. it seems like i can still hear your voice; the way you talked, the way you whined
pls be strong and continue fighting
you will definitely make it :)

and it will come;

the inconvenient truth

2008-05-12T23:03:00.005+08:00

hmm yay, rong xuan's condition is slightly improving. hope she will be okay!
*prays hard*

hmm anyway, didn't go to school today.
did some work but not very productive though. :/
there's chem spa tmr!
not very prepared for it yet. i think i'm going to use the 2 hours free periods tmr to revise through..
~~haiz~~ okay i shall abstain from sighing too much from now on since my sun zi says sighing makes me age faster. haha i'm already an ah gong, cannot afford to grow older anymore!

hmm oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL JOY GOH! (ps. yellow is her favourite colour :D)
haha although i doubt she will see this.
x)

hmm okay, tmr will be another sian diao day in school, plagued with the horrors of chem spa.
hope i won't mess everything up.
*nervous*

haha okayy, looks like i end up hmm-ing alot instead. :D

torn into pieces

2008-05-08T21:41:00.004+08:00

i have discovered my new passion and that is, sleeping.
haha the feeling of lying on the bed, closing your eyes and dreaming all sorts of silly dreams is so niceeee.
how i wish i can sleep as longggg as possible every single day of my life and then probably i will never wake up again.
haha, oops. x)

i feel a great sense of accomplishment today.
i planted myself in front of my table for four hours just now, did abit of chem, abit of maths and abit of physics.
finally decided to dis-root a few moments ago cos my backaches were getting a little intolerable. :/
haha i shall do my gp homework before i go to sleep later.
yes, GP. one paragraph only. yes yes, I CAN DO IT, I WILL DO IT! :D

death penalty; an injustice that can't be put right
hmmmm.

2008-05-07T19:37:00.003+08:00

hai.
i ~~cried~~ teared today.
scared caishi.
so paiseh.
i tried my best to control but the tears weren't obedient.
it wasn't because of school though. it was just... a thought of someone whom i miss alot..
how i hope she was still there when i was in that sort of situation. :(

i am so dead now.
shan't go into much details.
hmm
nothing much happened in school since wed is my usual slack day.
guitar prac was cancelled again.
so went out with caishi after school. :)

dun feel like doing anything now.
although i should be seriously starting on my tons of overdued gp assignments.
but i dun have the strength, motivation and mood to do so.
hmm hmm.

there are so many concerts to go to for the next few weeks.
let's see
16th may- evonne's guitar concert
18th may- wanyi's choir concert
26th may- leonie's band concert
30th/31st may- jubilate
7th june- elaine's band concert

haiz so broke now. :/
nothing seems to cheer me up right now.
listening to a couple of emo music doesn't help.
looking at the timetable for tmr and the day after tmr doesn't help.
receiving msg about having to discuss gpp during breaks and after school tmr didn't help either.
haiyo

sunny day

2008-05-04T12:58:00.003+08:00

met up with leonie yesterday evening. :)
then we went for cheryl's concert, Con Fuoco VI at cj's performing arts centre.
cheryl had told me that they weren't really well-prepared due to time constraints.
nevertheless, they put up a wonderful performance. :)
i found that the concert was alot similar to the aj one.
other than that both bands share the same conductor, cj had a skit accompanying the piece and a saxophone solo too.
saw many familiar faces as the entire aj band had to be there too.
just as i was wondering why the aj band president wasn't there with the rest as well, i suddenly saw him with his trombone walking onstage when it was the cj alumni band's turn to perform. like O.O??? haha. and he was acknowleged as a member of its alumni band as indicated in the booklet.
that's bad. i mean they should have at least acknowleged him as a guest player in the alumni band or sth.

hmm anw, it's sunday again, which means my very much dreaded monday is coming in less than 24 hours' time.
arghhh.

my plans for today:
-complete geog drq
-start doing all those irritating gp homeworks
-attempt to do some qns in the inequalities tutorial again
-do forces tutorial
-hopefully do some mindmaps for the newspaper articles ( i only did 0ne out of the 20 plus newspaper articles so far. :p )

i doubt i can do so much within such a short span of time though.
oh well :/

I DO Love it

2008-05-03T00:36:00.004+08:00

today was a long day but it was quite enjoyable though, mainly because it was friday, my favourite day of the week. :)
mr leong didn't come to school so the few of us slacked throughout the period although we were given an essay to do.
haha in the end, the gp rep had to send a msg to the whole class, urging us to hand in all our overdued assignments by mon. i find the beginning of his msg very amusing. it went like "class, this is important. i repeat, this is important... " haha! x)
then had chem test. x(
then maths lecture, followed by maths tutorial.
then did abit of work before going for guitar prac.
haven't had guitar prac for nearly one month already because some of the school events always happened to coincide on a guitar prac day eg. sports meet and the seniors were previously too busy preparing for concert which was held last friday.
we were split up into different sections. i was assigned to section two.
felt quite lonely at first cos i dunno anybody there.
had a little bonding session with the seniors then we learnt to play some songs.
one of the seniors taught some of us how to play a small part of qing tian.
was quite happy cos qian tian is my favourite song. :))
but then, it seems that it will take like one hundred years to master even that small little part.

hmm after that, went to watch the aj idol finals in the audi.
managed to find seats for the three of us (wanyi, jermaine and i) with the help of chewpin. :)
the mc was a little siao but entertaining la.
talking about siao makes me think of the maths lecturer today. caishi kept saying that he behaves like william hung. O.0
anywayyy, all the aj idol finalists were generally good.
i particularly enjoyed the dance catergory by raj and his friend. was so damn high.
and the girl band. :D

okay i shall go sleep now. my eye is still feeling a little pain. :/
tmr is yet another busy day.

labourless day

2008-05-01T17:22:00.003+08:00

ahh can't remember what i wanted to say.
hmm hmmm..
oh.
i think i have been mentally semi-unconscious these few days.
damn sleepy. i dun think there was ever once when my eyes were fully opened to their maximum size.
haha. i fell asleep ( or fainted??) on the sofa in the living room last last night while reading my physics notes.
it was so surprisingly comfortable that i slept there throughout the night without remembering to get up to brush my teeth first. oops. :x
haiz. TODAY IS LABOUR DAY! yay no need to go school.
it's quite expected that i would spend most of the day sleeping.
as if sleeping for 9 hours plus was still not enough, i collapsed on the bed again after returning from breakfast. x]

haiyah now more than half of the day is gone.
was doing the inequalities tutorial just now. got stuck halfway cos i realised there is no answer key for the discussion qns. thinking of checking whether it is uploaded onto ivle or not. so here i am!
haha well. apparently, it isn't there. waste my precious time. >:(
ivle says, "sorry."
i say, "hmm it's okayyy. :)"
oh no.

haven't studied for chem test tmr. haiz dun care la, not like i'm aiming to ace it anyway. if i can pass, i tou xiao already. haha :D
had maths test on mon, geog test on tues and physics test yesterday.
physics test was damn difficult. :/
the following is a scenario in my class during the aftermath of the physics despite the answer scripts being handed in long time ago, lin htet was sitting silently, still pondering over the qns. alvis and zixian were discussing about them. kaijun was rattling about how the test was much easier (?!) than he had expected.
aren't these boys scary?

had sports meet yesterday after school.
the deadliness of it made me miss st nicks' sports day very much.
it was super hot la cos it was held in the afternoon.
drinking a few small cups of milo and talking to caishi and puiman helped to make the heat a little bearable for me. :)
the girls in my class ran for 8 x 50m race.
i think i pulled our team down a little. xp plus we dropped the baton twice. but at least we still managed to come in second last. :)
and our house won. :) COUGAR!

simple things that i indulge myself with give me a sense of happiness and security.
- discovery of the week

drowsiness, shoo.

troubled soul

2008-04-27T23:26:00.003+08:00

just came back from aj concert and dinner with cheryl after that about one and half hour ago.
damn tired. trying to study abit of binomials now before going to sleep.
i'm sure gonna flunk the maths ct tmr. :/

dunno what i had done during the weekend.
it seems like i didn't do anything at all.
i didn't touch any of the homeworks.. didn't really study much for any upcoming tests next week..
but if you think i must have slacked throughout the weekend, it is not true either.
cos i didn't watch tv, didn't go out much except for the concert, didn't play or anything.
perhaps the only slacky thing i did was listening to too much music. :/
looking at the piles of homeworks that are left uncompleted/untouched makes me feel like puking.
and i can totally envision myself chionging for my final PI again tmr night.
aiyah heck care la.

i thought i could quickly go get some sleep after finish reading through my binomial notes.
but then, suddenly just out of nowhere, i got summoned to do the gpp. :(
but thennnn againnnnn, he didn't send me his work and i couldn't get through his phone.
i bet he went to sleep without remembering to send me his things or thinking that he didn't need to.
haiyah what am i supposed to do now?
grrrrrrrrrrr, i am so lost and confused.

two years better pass by quickly or else i can just die of suffocation.
this is assuming that i won't be taking more for than two years to complete my jc education i.e. not getting retained
:/

i have to admit it. things never turn out the way i plan it to be.

2008-04-20T16:24:00.005+08:00

videos like these make my day! :D

Episode 1) Pizza Delivery
SpongeBob and Squidward are given orders to deliver a
pizza, but the two have a heck of a hard time trying to get
the pizza to its destination and before you know it they
are in the middle of nowhere.

Episode 2) The Paper
SpongeBob makes a great toy out of a gum wrapper, much to Squidward's chagrin.

Episode 3) Gary Takes a Bath
The day that Gary has to take a bath arrives, but Gary doesn't want to take a bath, and SpongeBob tries everything possible to make sure he takes a bath.

his singing gives me goosebumps.

he's my new idol. :D

virtual escape

2008-04-19T18:14:00.004+08:00

yesterday was quite a nice day. :)

i almost laughed to death twice in the day. laughed until my back damn pain la.
the first time was because of caishi about her hair dye incident.
the second time was because of the tissue incident with cheryl.
haha! xD

perhaps the only real depressing thing that happened yesterday, discounting some minor ones, was the math test.
couldn't do most of the questions especially ap & gp.
and stupid me didn't really know how to use the gc calculator.
so i spent much time figuring which keys to press.
haha it was such a disaster.
hmm i better get mentally prepared for the high possibility of me not being able to pass my promos and getting retained as a result.
well, if that happens....
hmm i think i shouldn't be too pessimistic for now.

had dinner with cheryl at sumo house yesterday.
we ordered so much food that we couldn't finish them all in the end.
haha. caught up with her a little.
talked about school stuff and the upcoming concerts and many other things.
haiz.. how i wish we can still be in the school together.. :(

a smiley face drawn by caishi.
its right eye is actually a pre-existing tiny dried blood on my wrist.
then she just added another eye and a smile to it so that it looked like a smiley face.
haha oh man, caishi can be jermaine no. 2.
both of them do stupid things that make me laugh. :D

on wednesday, i left school early cos i wasn't feeling well both physically and emotionally. :/
had a short nap and a talk with my parents after that.
got an idea of the level of expectations they had of me.
actually i was a little motivated after that.
but apparently, it has started to wear off again by now.. :/

tried to do dynamics tutorial.
spent two hours or so trying to solve the questions.
and the outcome was i only managed to solve the first question and the rest i dunno how to do.
haiz physics is driving me crazy.
:/

let's see what other homeworks i have
-newspaper articles
-standard curves tutorial
-inequalities tutorial
-catching up of chem topics
-study for physics spa
-refine my ideas for PI
-study weathering
-read up on some gp stuff
...
:[

let's see my timetable for next monday
(7.45am)
-pw lecture/tutorial
-chem lecture
-maths lecture
-half hour break
-civics tutorial
-gp tutorial
-one hour lunch break
-civics lecture
-one and a half hour of geog tutorial
-physics spa makeup
-PE
(6.15pm)

:(

this is what i mean when i say that school is making me feel depressed.
i just need to think of it and my mood will change from bad to worse.
i feel like running away from everything
it can truly happen.... only in my dreams.

i hate mondays,
i love fridays;

you're my sunshine

2008-04-14T00:02:00.012+08:00

finally managed to finish my geog essay under extremely uncomfortable and difficult circumstances.
my nose is as red as cherry now and i am wrapping myself up like it's winter.
:(

i aim to not blog for some time or at least for the next few days.

here are some of pictures of my precious little darlings :)

pinky-si

piggy-chou

chicky-vonne

bunny-wan

froggy-leo

elephanty-mon

and
brownie-pei (picture not available)

they are 100% handmade by me!
haha most of my free time were spent sewing all these during my long long holidays since december last year.
there are two more which i haven't finished making yet and currently have no more time to. :(
haiz i should have bought a few more packets last time..
haha maybe i can create some on my own next time.
maybe a giraffe? zebra? donkey?
haha

hmm anw, each of them symbolizes a cherished friendship. :))
how have yall been, my little children?

a leopard can't/doesn't change its spots?

2008-04-11T23:00:00.006+08:00

these two days, we had no lessons because of the aesthetic week.
went for the resilience workshop and attended the nyaa talk until 5 plus yesterday.
today, i went for the guitar workshop which i had signed up with tianhe. :)
learnt some strumming and played some simple songs.
it was enjoyable to me although some may think it was quite boring. :D
the instructor was so round, cute and those very ci xiang kind of person.
i realised he is also the conductor of our school's guitar club whom i hadn't got to meet yet until today. haha
went back to st nicks, yet again, with jingwen, wanyi, jermaine and peiling.
it was my third time already in two weeks. :O
took our o level certs, ate orange bowl and then walked a little around the school, specifically the toilets. haha
then visited the band with leonie and elaine. :)
yeah.
i really miss life in st nicks.
the atmosphere there is just so peaceful and slow-paced, i like. :/

just now during dinner, i scared my mother a little when i suddenly sighed out of nowhere while eating.
haha. i was thinking of the piles of homework which are as high as mount everest and the normal school lessons which will resume next week.
my undone homeworks include:
-geog essay
-9 newspaper articles (the amount accumulated after three weeks)
-dynamics tutorial
-redo binomial tutorial
-chem tutorial
-study for next week's maths test
-standard curve tutorial
blah blah...

and i can't start doing my work until sunday.
cos tmr's my mother's birthday and as usual, we will be going to malaysia to celebrate.
so i have to rush everything within one day again, which is impossible.
i give up. you can call me a slacker if you like now.

things just don't go my way;

i am exhausted.
i think i cared too much, spent too much time thinking about negative stuff and had been too nice until i kept hurting myself every now and then.
because for most of the time, i have been so used to keeping these well-hidden emotions within myself, people can hardly understand how i feel.
i feel so.. alone and lousy. ;(

quick updates

2008-04-07T23:01:00.003+08:00

-was struggling to finish my PI draft last night until 1 plus in the morning. x/
-my right eyelid showed signs of threatening to droop again due to insufficient sleep and STRESS! xO
-fire drill ate away more than half hour of chem lecture which was a delight
-it was mentally challenging to try to stay awake during the GP tutorial
-1 1/2 hours of geog lesson was really torturing
-brought badminton racket today but didn't play at all
-3/4 of my life was gone after running 7 rounds during pe
-spent the rest of the time recovering inside the toilet cubicle; it really felt like how caishi had described, being baked in an oven. :D
-too tired to do any work
-hence the best thing to do is to go to sleep now....

2008-04-04T14:47:00.015+08:00

didn't go to school today.
last night i slept early at 10 plus without doing any homework. sms-ing long messages to cheryl was enough to make me feel very tired. haha
actually wanted to wake up at 4am again to do my gp homework and study for the chem test but my alarm clock failed to wake me up.
then i became slightly half-consious by 5. but my urge to wake up was overcomed by this unusually strong sense of drowsiness.
managed to wake up briefly at 6 plus to ask my mother, "can you let me rest for one day?" and went back to sleep again without waiting for her answer.
haha

pros and cons of being absent from school today:
pros
-no need to hand in my gp homework by this morning which i haven't done
-no need to sit for the chem test which i haven't studied
-take my mind off the quitting-of-the-band issue which has been making my life miserable all this while
cons
-miss two lectures and three tutorials
-unable to go the reality martial arts session today. i had already missed the last two sessions consecutively because of band. :(

felt very dizzy now. sigh
anyway, on wednesday we had our I & E day.
we spent the whole day walking around to various booths playing all sorts of games.
if you ask me whether i would rather have lessons or not, eh i think i will say, i would rather have no school and stay at home. heh
after that went for guitar practice.
it was my first time taking out my guitar again after deserting it in the store room for two years.
something funny happened during the prac.
the teacher was instructing me to tune my guitar.
so i plucked the first string. thang
"tighten." thang "somemore." thang "a bit more.." thang "more..." piak!
my string snapped. for the rest of the day, i played without the first string.
haha. so that was how my first real guitar prac went.

yesterday was a fine day.
we had a 1 1/2 hr free period towards the end because mr leong was absent.
zijing, caishi and i left the school early and went causeway point. :)
we ate at pizzahut for lunch and walked around a little before i returned to yck again to meet peiting and jingwen to go back st nicks together.

haiz i feel very pek cek with my phone now.
i have tried thousand and million times but i still can't connect my phone to the computer.i can only upload the photos through my brother's phone. only those in the format which his phone can support.

celebrating elaine's birthday! :)

FIESTA

leonie, cheryl and i talking in the band room. :D

my sis and i :)

i feel like my head is going to explode anytime.
shall go back to sleep now. :/

2008-04-02T23:31:00.003+08:00

oh my god.
i have met the most unreasonable person in my life.
he is such a monster.
can't he just let us go?!

30/3 H3B3!!

2008-03-30T23:26:00.007+08:00

today is hebe's birthday! :D

went to a musical instrument shop to look for a piano keyboard after praying.

bought one for my brother at a special price of $199. haha this is the most expensive present i have ever gotten for someone.

oh and i saw ying teng there! :)

then my mother bought me a new watch! :D

hmm then immediately started chiong-ing my homework when we got home.

i think i make my whole family feel fan too whenever i get so stressed and emotional over school and friendship stuff.

haiz.

it's a reason why i am blogging more often now and that's one weird thing about me.

the more busy i get, the more i want to squeeze out time to blog.

the more nervous and urgent the situation gets, the more i feel like relaxing.

the more hardworking the people around me are, the more i want to slack.

hmmmmm i don't know if i can still stay strong enough to overcome all my problems.

let's just see how things go. :]

i want to cry no more;

2008-03-30T02:20:00.002+08:00

it's 2.22 am now.
finally sort of finished doing my part researching for the geog project just a few mins ago.

it had been a tiring day. basically because i haven't been getting enough sleep these days so i get increasingly lethargic as days go by.
went for fiesta in the afternoon with my sister.
didn't walk around much.
haha it was really easy and swift spending all the tickets just on eating itself since the food sold there was super duper ex.
three cups of ice-cream with extra toppings costing 4 dollars each, one slurpee for 3 dollars, three fishballs for 3 dollars, one unknown thingy for 1 dollar, one nasi lemak at offer for 1 dollar and ta-da, there went my 20-dollar tickets.
met leonie and cheryl! :D
then we stayed in the band room for some time talking and doing some stupid stuffs. haha.
then they went off with their friends.
hmm then.. me and sister stayed for a while and left.

then we celebrated my brother's birthday.
had steamboat for dinner then bought presents for him.
came home at around 10 plus. slept for a short while then went to bathe.
then cut the cake and ate. yummy

then started doing research on bam earthquake and sent it to janice at around 2.15 as promised.
and finally, here i am blogging.

oh no i still have to get up early tmr to go huay guan to pray. :(
okay.... my head is getting very heavy now............

candle starts to glow

2008-03-28T23:38:00.007+08:00

today was a much better day. :)

my class celebrated birthday for the jan, feb and march babies.
we had a rather small 1 kg strawberry cheesecake for them. there is a total of 24 people in our class so each of us only got to eat a pathetic portion of the cake. haha nevertheless it tasted really nice. :)

hmm then.. had lunch with stupid(= cute) jermaine at nyp.
she watched me eat because she was too full to eat anymore.
after that i was supposed to go back to school again for band prac. i had been dreading it since tues because mr alvin had said that he would test the euphoniums on the running notes.
after we had parted ways for some time, this jermaine in her usual stupidness (= cuteness) realised she had forgotten to return me my wallet which she had secretly kept with her all the while without me being aware of it.
haha so she still had to go all the way back to school to pass it back to me. then she watched us during sectionals by pretending to be a weird person studying in the same room while we practised on our euphos. haha. :D

all of us aren't feeling happy in band because we feel very discriminated.
so, we came up with a plan as an act of rebellion of the euphos. x)
if we really decided to quit band tgt, then rachel wants to join hockey, feng ping wants to join harmonica and i want to join guitar. then maybe the three of us can go join the reality martial arts tgt. :)
apparently, our plan failed cos:
#1 mr alvin was surprisingly in a good mood today
#2 he didn't do year of the dragon, thus no testing of running notes
#3 he gave us a relatively easy piece for us to play
#4 he ended the prac about 20 mins earlier
maybe today wasn't fated to be our last day in band.
haha

actually i was to meet up with jingwen and chewpin after band to go back st nicks to witness the homerun. but then our plan was cancelled somehow.
so, i will just be going for fiesta tmr. pretty excited cos i really miss sn alot.
yeah and tmr is my bro's birthday too!

all-time favourite :D

hahaha the campfire song song! x)

a silent wish

2008-03-26T23:54:00.003+08:00

i am tired.

i had a nice talk with jingwen today while having a little dinner together. :)
school has been rather sucky for me. i have never really used the word before. this shows that how much life really sucks. :/
thanks for her being there for me just at the right time when i desperately need to talk to someone who understands me. otherwise, i guess i could have just broken down.
haha we've made a pact with each other. if by the mid- year we still can't cope or school isn't getting any better, we shall go poly during its second intake and study psychology together.
hmm.. :)

2008-03-24T23:36:00.006+08:00

i am supposed to start on my binomial tutorial which has to be handed in tmr and yet i find myself surfing the net instead.
haiz let's just hope i will make full use of all the free periods i have tmr to complete it. :/

i am trying to seek comfort in myself by looking for something that is relaxing and interesting to do.
so i decided to do some quizzes in an attempt to entertain myself at the same time.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

What Celeste Koh Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.

You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.

People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

i chanced upon this.

this is really interesting. i find some of the parts that it says are rather true.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISFP)

Your personality type is caring, peaceful, artistic, and calm.

Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 8% of all women and 6% of all men

You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.

hmm.. actually i was supposed to continue on my previous post about the things that took place last week.

but aiyah, i feel lazy now.

wait till i figure out how to upload pictures from my new phone, then i shall update again la.

i feel a little better now, i guess. :/

2008-03-21T00:44:00.002+08:00

i had just made an important decision when i was on the train home. finally after listening to different advices from different people.
i smsed the teacher ic and that's it- i gave up on joining guitar and decided to stay in band.
i hope to try my best not to regret my decision later on. :/

it was me who wanted to join guitar in the first place but instead, i chose to join band in the end despite how much i dislike the band.
whereas jingwen decided to leave the band to join guitar.
haha so ironic.

anw,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELAINE!!! :DDD

to be con'td