hmm they said the new timetable is out now.
i went to take a look just now and i seriously couldn't spot any difference from the old timetable.
hurr.
anyway, i felt a little frustrated now, with myself and everything.
anyway, i felt a little frustrated now, with myself and everything.
and i don't know why.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.
>:(
hmm managed to ask yingchen to send me some photos of the class outing. :)
part of the people who went :)
cheryl joy, get well soon! :)
4D'07 class outing at east coast park yesterday! :D
the weather was very fine, but a little too hot.
the most exhausting part was me having to lug four 1.5 litres of drinks and an icebox plus my bag all the way from my house to the mrt station. xO
then trained down to yishun to meet ah jerm, wanwan, flo, pei, vivien, rachel and yingteng.
then trained together to bedok station to meet jieying and abi.
then waited for super long for bus 401 to come.
reached east coast one hour later and met van lee and huichun.
settled down at a spot near the beach and picnic abit.
there wasn't much food and we didn't actually do anything much.
just sat down, ate a little, played on the beach etc.
it was a simple get together session, i guess.
subsequently, the rest came.
at night, we walked to parkway and had dinner at banquet. :)
haha let me list down all the people who went for the outing:
wanyi, jermaine, florence, peiling, vivien, rachel, yingteng, jieying, abi, stacey, genevieve, vanessa hui, vanessa lee, huichun, qingyao, eliza, yushi, valerie, julia, jean, yingchen, jamie, shiai, elaine plus me
=25 people!
that was more than half the class which was already quite good, although others like cheryl, shihan, yijia and erica they all couldn't make it. :(
on the whole, it was a really pleasant day spent with these fun loving (=fun+loving :D) people once again. haha missed them so much! xD
it felt as though everything is still the same when it apparently is not.
ahhhh, no matter what, they were one of the main reasons why i enjoyed my last two years in st nicks so much. :D
the one hour plus plus bus ride back to amk station with wanyi, jerm, eliza and vanessa after that seemed unusually short. :)
hmm and i had a really great time talking to little wanwan too! :D
i shall post the pictures another time when i get them. :)
woke up at 11 plus today.
spent the whole afternoon doing the pw stuff.
haiz i still find it hard to believe that school is resuming tmr.
abit i have already forgotten my timetable and i can't remember which were the last tutorials we stopped at.
well, i seriously need to refresh my memory first.
haha
term three onwards is surely going to be an extremely tough period.
i'm not sure if i'm ready for it yet. :/
but last night on the train home, i found something which wanwan said make a lot of sense.
it was rather enlightening, i must say although she might not have realised it. haha
because of that, i am motivated to move on now.
haha yay, i am enlightened by my little niece! xD
woohoo.
off to clear all the "post-war ruins" away from my table now. :D
one more paper left!
supposed to be studying for physics now.
but i still can't help it but to slack abit.
haha
today's maths paper was pretty eventful. haha
at first, i thought 8 to 11am was 2 hours.
so i was like chionging all the way, skipping all the parts which i couldn't do first.
then when i was at the last few questions, i looked at the clock which showed that it was 10am already and spent some time thinking why 2 hours had passed but it wasn't 11 yet. then i realised it was a 3 hour paper!
haha then horror came !
i was solving a particular maths question halfway when a bug/bee (?) ,as big as about the size of your thumb, fell from above and smacked right onto my paper.
wah lao, shocked me la. i wasn't sure how i should respond amid hundreds of other students in the exam hall.
so i used the paper to shove it to the side of the table a little.
since then, it glued/fainted down there throughout the remaining one hour. i thought it would fly away after some time. but it didn't! XO
i tried to continue concentrating on doing the questions. but i couldn't help glancing at it a number of times cos of how weird it looked.
it was like black in colour with big bright yellow dots on it. XO
haha after the paper ended, i was like telling caishi if i fail my maths paper, blame it. :D
(it was still clinging onto my table when i left the hall.. :O)
one of my favouritest photos :D
elaine the nan ren and her two nuu rens. haha :)
this was a typical scenario few minutes before a test. mugging and emo-ing. haha! :D
:D
me and lao po and jerm with her usual dumbness x)
happy picture of elaine, me and flo! :DDD
managed to dig out a picture of this one. cheryl joy! :D
et section@ jubliate'07 :D
haha the three of us, elaine, evonne and me :D
this is such a nice and lovely photo! haha played with my phone w/o my permission ah! x)
eupho section (then)
(present) they have all grown up ah. :)) looks abit blur and chaotic but this is the only picture i have. haha :D
i am very thankful to have used to own a phone with so much memory storage. haha
i was scanning through the pictures in my old phone the other time. brought so much sweet memories back to me. :)
managed to pester my brother to help me upload these pictures.
not all nice ones are uploaded though.
but well, i'm tired.. but truly happy now. :)
4D'07 class bbq outing next sat! should be more or less confirmed already la. yay! :D
tmr i will be studying with cheryl again. :)
then going to malaysia on sat to make up for not going last time. haha
lesser time to study? erm.. nevermind la.
haha
:D
<3
i think my msn has contracted some virus thingy.
my sister admits she is the cause of the problem.
my brother thinks so too cos she has always been on the msn for long hours everyday so somehow.. err i don't really know how.
anyway, so next time if you see any instant message from me, please ignore it.
don't ask me things like "huh?" or "what's this?" cos i equally have no idea what you are talking about. : /
today went to bugis macs to study with cheryl.
studied for like 5, 6 hours. but it wasn't very productive for me though.
kept getting stuck at almost every single maths question. :/
and while i was solving a particular question halfway, i received a sweet random phonecall from cheryl joy goh!
haha miss her so much!
she was commenting that i am still so lifeless as before. and i totally disagree with it.
ever since i came to aj, i have come to realise that i am not exactly the most lifeless person on this island lor.
okay i am so dead.
i ought to be dead.
arghh.
hmm spent today mugging for physics with lots of intervals in between for slacking purposes, of course. haha
actually i wanted to continue chionging until 1 plus. but apparently, my mother couldn't sleep with my table lights shining at her so.. here i am! :D
i plan to finish revising physics by tmr. haha rather ambitious. 5 topics within 2 days.
i hope i can really plant myself onto my seat for the whole day tmr and not get tempted by any potential threat that will lure me away from studying eg. the tv, the fridge and perhaps my guitar.
it will be better if my father is not at home tmr. oops.
i'm already starting to feel sad over the fact that holidays' ending real soon.
i'm kind of enjoying my life right now. doing everything at my own pace and not needing to care what i don't wish to for the time being. so free and relaxing.
maybe cos the weather suddenly becomes super cool right now, it makes me feel even more comfy and peaceful. haha
argh i don't want to be thrown back to school so soooon
-continue grumbling non-stop-
i just realised how strong my brother has become.
he used his entire strength to push me away just now. i forgot exactly how he pushed me, perhaps like the way how wrestlers normally do.
i lost my balance, tripped over the edge of the bed behind me and fell backwards onto the floor.
wow. fortunately i wasn't hurt.
i'm starting to regret not joining the reality martial arts huh.
haha!
hello.
i have found my gayish little self back again today. :D
so i decided to reopen this blog. (if you hadn't realise, it had been inaccessible for some days, except to hp. haha)
but i can't retain my original blog address anymore.
i don't know why stupid blogger says that a dash is not allowed at the back. >: (
haha so i have to make it a little bit longer.
i will never ever change the name "invariant" cos it has a special significance to me. there is a story behind it by the way.
haha and as the word itself suggests, it is invariable.
and i'm going to change my contact number soon too once it gets activated.
hmm everything seems like a brand new start for me.
the past few days had been inundated with unhappy and depressing stuffs.
i was so downrightly depressed that i suspected i was suffering from depression.
it may not be due to any specific thing which happened that made me sad. it may be just simple things accumulated that triggered everything off. all my past and long forgotten wounds were awakened.
it prompted me to not go for the famine camp which was supposed to take place these two days.
kissed my 30 dollars goodbye just like that.
haiz but it's worth it la. didn't want to go there and appear emo either.
spent the two days, well, recovering?
yesterday, i wanted to go out somewhere to walk, alone, intendedly.
but in the end, the whole family just tagged along. ergh
at first went cwp with my mother and sister. and my mother treated us to kfc when i was supposed to starve like how i would if i had gone for the camp. :/
shopped abit before my father came and drove us to suntec for the pc show.
then my brother joined us after his volleyball training, looking rather filthy. there were like black marks smeared across his cheeks and he didn't even know. -.-
then ate dinner when it was already near midnight to celebrate early Father's Day.
i was supposed to starve! -.-
today i woke up at l plus in the afternoon. wow
then the rest of the day was spent watching tv and doing nothing.
which means i didn't make use of my weekend to mug at all. x)
my weekdays were spent revising maths. i managed to finish revising all the topics by now but haven't started practising yet. haha
so, my next week will be spent revising my three remaining subjects. erm seems rather taxing but i'm not really panicking yet. cos nothing is impossible to me when it comes to studying.
errr.... that's my excuse la.
haha
hmm.. i feel i'm back to normal now.
after all those struggles and reflections, some of my perspectives have changed for sure.
i have learnt to take things easy.
don't take things for granted. don't expect things to really happen the way you want them to be. we can't control fate after all.
and whenever you feel that you are trapped alone in your own plight, still do keep a slight belief, no matter how shaky it may seems, that there is always still a somebody, just somebody out there, who cares for you.
:)
this is how i felt at the end of the day.
i had never cried so much in a day before.
cried for practically the whole day today. and it was damn tiring.
cried in the afternoon which made me feel so exhausted that i fell asleep on the bed for one hour plus. it felt so good to sleep. i even had a dream. some random ridiculous dream as usual.
then woke up and wrote a few maths notes.
after a short while, i started to feel uneasy again so i decided to go out for a walk.
climbed the hill in front of my house.
sat there watching the sunset while thinking through alot of things and crying non-stop.
finally decided to go back home when the sight of the descending sun was gone.
came back home, cried abit again.
and now, i'm sitting in front of this computer, feeling rather drowsy. my eyes feel damn pain and heavy..........
but i've got to finish revising maths by today.
one and a half more topics to go.
and i'm determined to start a little on physics too.
i dunno i can hold on for how long.
i need to perservere.
i dunno whether i should go for the famine camp tmr.
it's quite pointless for me to go in such a state. i dun want to go there and and look emo. moreover, getting more aware of global hunger and poverty will make myself even more depressed too. maybe i should just forget about my 30 bucks and my initial sparks of interest about it.
on the other hand, i have an urge to disappear from this house very much.
argh i really dunno.
okay i'm slightly more awake now.
i'm not going to have faith in anyone too easily from now onwards
i was actually quite happy for a while just now when something just had to happen and made me feel all so down again..
(even though i had kind of anticipated it since things would always turn out the same way like ever before.) but i still can't help it but feel disappointed once again. you crushed my hope, for hoping that things would turn out differently this time for just once.
went back to st nicks today to study with elaine and florence.
took my sgc too.
i always thought the o level cert which i had already taken months ago was the sgc until recently, erm like just yesterday, when i saw my rv classmates' sgc actually came in a black file filled with testimonials and all that.
haha and i had never seen florence for ages.
the last time i saw her was during the o level results day?
haha she's still the same old florence.
i loaned her my watch to wear for the next two weeks and i expect to have it back during the 4D class reunion outing we are having soon. :) she better make it and not go for her stupid class outing to malaysia or else i will never have my watch back. haha
then dinner with xinyi at ichiban. :)
supposedly with kaijun too but i think he was suffering from food poisoning after eating some unhygenic food so he couldn't come in the end. haha
we ate about 3, 4 plates of sushi each and shared one.
haha it was rather satisfying. :D
hmm then i bought a pencil case at artbox! it caught my eye and i fell in love with it. x)
haha we spent quite some time contemplating whether to buy it or not. we compared its pros and cons and finally, i decided to buy it using the money which my mother gave to compensate me for not buying me anything for during their malaysian trip. :)
then xinyi bought her beloved chicken potato which she had always been telling me about.
haha :)
-
my mood a few hours ago: fairly good
my mood an hour ago: very bad
my current mood: foul to the max
just quarrelled with my mother over my messy table.
it is just plainly filled with all those irritating mountainous stacks of school notes and worksheets and files and etc. there is absolutely nothing i can throw away!!!!!!!!!
somemore it was my brother's fault for messing up my already spatial-constraint table even more when he used it just now without seeking my permission!
hmph
sadness never fails to find its way back to me;
happiness lost its way and never came back again.
i can't hide my tears anymore
one good friend always did it to me.
i would feel hurt like i always do while she always seemed so indifferent about it.
she did it so frequently that i had begun to think that, perhaps it's a perfectly alright thing to do and that it wasn't something ought to be taken offence at.
yesterday i just did that same thing to my other friend without thinking that i had done anything wrong.
and as a result, i had hurt her.
:(
and so, i am finally convinced that it is therefore a bad thing to do.
what is morally right and wrong?
what is deceived to be right and wrong?
life is so confusing, isn't it?
-just a little reflection of my own
:)
yijia:
-"you should buy lightsticks to lighten up your day and feathers to tickle you and make you laugh"
-"when you wake up, i will always be there holding a cup of water for you."
aww i love my lao po. :D
hui pei:
-"slacking always has consequences."
xD
hmm perhaps this way is better.
i feel a new lease of life.
haha :)
just did a personality test with just four questions.
1) put the following five animals in the order of your preference: cow, tiger, sheep, horse, pig
my answer: sheep, horse, cow, tiger, pig
results: this will define your priorities in my life- love, family, career, pride, money
2) write one word to describe each one of the following: dog, cat, rat, coffee, sea
my answer:
dog- faithful -my own personality
cat- demure -the personality of my partner
rat- stealthy -the personality of my enemies
coffee- refreshing -how i interpret sex (?)
sea- comforting -my own life
results: each implies... ^
3) think of someone who also knowsyou and is important to you, which you can relate them to the followinh colours: yellow, orange, red, white, green
my answer:
yellow- cheryl joy -someone i will never forget
orange- jiaying -someone i consider my true friend
red- elaine -someone i really love
white- shihan -my twin soul
green- jingwen -someone i will remember for the rest of my life
4) write down your favourite number and the favourite day of the week.
my answer: 27, friday
hmm i'm not sure how true this is..
erm it's duan wu jie today.
went to pray in the morning.
then had a super short fruitless shopping after that.
then came back home and had a feast at 4 plus which was my lunch cum dinner.
the rest had oysters and crabs for "dinner" again just now. xP
i had a rice dumpling too. :)
heard there are red bean rice dumplings too but i haven't got to try one yet. x)
hmm cheryl will be back from aussie tmr. :)
i miss having her around for the past few days.
i can talk to her once again, perhaps.
haiz.
my study plan shall start tmr.
hope it will be carried out smoothly. :)
i am lost for words.
sometimes i hope people can be a little bit more sensitive.
what do you expect me to do man?
you dun pick up my calls and you dun reply my messages.
you make my life frantic and so full of question marks.
just a simple message to inform me that there is a change of plans would be very much appreciated.
should i be responsible enough to care when you, on the other hand, dun even bother at all?
i'm so not going to care any further.
and you.
should i feel hurt?
i dunno how i feel each time when you do that to me unknowingly, i suppose
i didn't exactly feel hurt
the feeling is just.. i dunno
perhaps i have so gotten used to it that i have become very numb with everything now.
perhaps i should continue to be oblivious.
perhaps you should just dump me into the bin if you dun need me anymore.
i questioned myself about my existence once again.
perhaps if i have the chance to live all over again,
perhaps if i can unwind all the things in the past that had impacted on me so much negatively in my life,
perhaps if i were stronger enough to disallow all those things to affect me throughout my entire life,
i could have been a very much more normal person leading a normal life and having a normal mindset and attitude; not the weird person whom i am now..
i feel a little better now after letting 1/3 of my unhappy/angry/dejected thoughts out.
i shall keep the rest to myself, as usual.
i'm my own best companion. no one will ever understand me.
argh enough, i'm adversely making myself even more depressed.
elaine's concert is tmr!
i vow it will be the last concert i am going to, at least before december comes.
look at the numbers of concerts which i watched in less than two months,
1) aj band concert
2) cj band concert (cheryl)
3) vj guitar concert (evonne)
4) aj choir concert (wanyi)
5) rj band concert (leonie)
6) st nicks' jubilate concert
7) nj band concert (elaine)
went back st nicks for pop.
mood-less and too tired to go on any further..
just :) to the juniors.
it's their big day today.
:)
this is so vexing.
my head is going to explode anytime soon.
argh nevermind.
shall pon lecture tmr but still go for tutorial instead.
will it be very weird?
aiyah dun care.
okay settled.
had chem mass tutorial today.
then was supposed to go kbox after that. but zixin and zijing couldn't make it in the end so only left the three of us.
i didn't feel like going too cos i realised i have so many things to do eg. geog tutorials and housework.
but in order to avoid being yet another wet blanket, i chose to watch movie with them instead.
we ate lunch at sumo house then watched narnia at amk hub.
i don't understand, why must cinemas always be so cold?
i kept shivering even with my jacket.
but anyway the movie was quite nice. :)
haha with kaijun and caishi around, there were many funny moments here and there.
shan't say, cos some were actually rather embarrassing. -winks at kaishi-
haha
hmm then came home and managed to finish 1/4 of the tutorial then gave up and went to iron some clothes.
oh btw, this is my fourth day since i embarked on my "zai nv/gong" life. haha
and i have grown tired of and sometimes, annoyed by the sound of the tv that i switch it off now.
ergh, weekdays' tv programmes are super boring! x(
and my mother just called from genting!
until now, i still can't seem to think of anything that i want her to get for me. hmm.. :/
and she asked me to rest at home tmr ( i.e. pon school ) if possible.
haha tempts me even more. xD
but aiyah it's impossible to stay at home the whole day cos there are also guitar and pw meeting to go for.
perhaps thurs is the only day when i can enjoy the whole 24 hours of life again at home?
the day when my family is coming back. :O
argh, stop it
i feel like i own the entire house now. haha :D
this is my second day staying alone in the house.
living alone isn't as scary as i thought i would be afterall.
just that my tv becomes so tempting that it always draws me away from studying. :(
haha it's like my closest friend now. i have been keeping it on the whole day so that the house won't appear too silent.
so i ended up getting attracted to whatever variety shows and dramas the tv is showing.
which also means i have been doing nothing else but practically watching tv this whole weekend. :(
but anw i haven't been watching tv as intensively as how i do now for such a long loooong time!
haha i plan to catch up on the dramas on channel 8 from tmr onwards! hehe
hmm..
there's maths lecture tmr, chem on tues, geog and guitar on wed and guitar again on fri.
thinking about all these is already enough to make me feel tired. XO
although having to go to school is good in a way that it prevents me from rotting at home like how i am now, how i wish i can be ka jiao-ed by something else instead.
haha caishi just asked me to do an IQ test
and here's my result,
and the rating is exceptionally gifted?
haha quite unbelieveable cos i was totally half-asleep while doing it and there was actually an instruction which says that drowsiness might affect the score. haha
i guess it's something worth happying about?
even though caishi actually scored the highest rating :D
but given my slow-ness, stupidity and etc, getting a Very Smart is already a fortune.
haha
another one, just for fun
hmm okay
i dunno why i'm already feeling very sleepy but i still refuse to go to bed yet... :/
ergh