every beat of my heart

Monday, September 29, 2008 @9:19 PM

maybe it isn't a good thing that promos is now over.
now i dread going to school even more like how i used to dread it especially in term 2.
the feeling is so intense but i know there's no way i can run away from it. :(
i think i would rather study than to do pw everyday.
argh.

today we had to go school for some self-directed pw discussion for 4 hours.
our tutor went off for some meetings and never came back again.
well, so my group really did self direct ourselves into some brief discussion for our op for the first one hour or so. then the remaining hours were spent stoning and rotting in the classroom.
what a life.

after school, finally got to see cheryl joy again after 3 long weeks!
thank goodness, she brightened up my extremely dull day or else i could have died out of ultimate sian-ness in the extreme darkness. :)
then accompanied her to clarke quay.
on my way back, i guess i was really too engrossed thinking about some stuff that i actually missed the dhoby ghaut station and went straight to little india.
sigh

lonely is independent.
they are the new words of comfort to me now.

Saturday, September 27, 2008 @11:21 PM

hi, i'm back from the week-long battle against promos.
i'm both physically and mentally drained.
it's time to recharge before i plunge into pw stuff from next week onwards.
argh pw.

gp was fairly alright i guess.
chem seemed alright too.
btw, alright means perhaps a borderline pass.
maths was a little disappointing.
geog was rubbish. early in the afternoon when i came to school, my one and only mindmap which i took the pains to draw literally flew down the drain. and i decided not to embarrass myself to go climb over the fence and retrieve it in front of a bunch of j2s. haha. it was already a bad omen.
i had so much time to stone throughout the paper cos i had no idea how to answer most of the questions and i delibrately left one entire 14 mark question blank. wow.
and finally, physics was a total disaster.

argh, i hope i will at least do slightly better than how i did for mid years.
if my results turn out to be worse even by a little bit, i will die in a terrible death cos it will mean a very high danger of me getting retained. :x

anw, met elaine and erica on friday after my last paper. :)
went back to st nicks and enjoyed a feast in the canteen.
ate the must-have orange bowl, the western food and many others. :D
then walked around the school and talked to the teachers.
i must say i always have this very special feeling whenever i go back to st nicks.
i feel very calm and peaceful, unlike in aj, the atmosphere is so different.
time seems to stop there.
i used to complain why st nicks has so many stairs and difficult to navigate.
now, i think that is exactly one of its greatest beauty. so mysterious and yet, beautiful.

my life in st nicks, esp my last two years there had left me with many precious memories, both pleasant and unpleasant ones.
3/4D, band, the funny, caring and committed teachers, the wonderful and loving friends, the classrooms, the track, the fam lounge, the canteen...
i remembered the very first time when i stepped into st nicks as a sec one.
we sat in the hall, listening to the principal's speech. one of the first things she asked us to do was to hug the person next to you. and i remember the person whom i hugged was mylene. x)
that was one of the many things i had learnt: sisterly love.
ahh.
thank god, the prime upgrading is postponed for another year which means we can still see the same old st nicks building for another two more years. :D

hmm thinking of the past and dreaming of the future really do help to shield away some of the unhappiness i face both in school and at home at the present moment.
sigh

Saturday, September 13, 2008 @8:22 PM

zijing just sent us the class photos which we took on monday when we celebrated virnice's and puiman's birthdays. :)

not everyone was present though. :/

i have been repeatedly looking at the three class photos which we took for the yearbook since i received them yesterday.

and i still can't help laughing to myself cos they are seriously hilarious.

they have become a source of brief entertainment for me amid the tiring revision for promos.

this afternoon, i spent a little portion of my time looking through the neoprints which i had taken over the past few years.

there aren't many and i realised i haven't taken any this year.

but i couldn't help smiling to myself as i admired every single one of them.

each of them built up the strong feeling of nostalgia within me.

i wondered if everything had changed.

however no matter what, whether anything has changed or not, i can be rest assured that there is at least one thing that remains persistent till today.

the same problem which i have always been fretting about.

that is, my facial expression's inability to convey my inner feelings accurately for most of times.

there was one day when i couldn't take it anymore and i said, "i really enjoyed myself today, really. can you tell? can you tell?!"

now, come to think of it, i hope i really did sound agitated enough to be convincing though.

haha.

and it gets really frustrating at times when my facial expressions fail to send the notion to my peers that i am extremely upset or angry with them.

over the years, i have grown so helpless and numb about it that it doesn't seem to bother that much to me anymore.

haha i shall live up to my name of being an ultimate 'stone'.

and there's also the thing about me looking dao and being a person with few words.

i guess it has caused a certain level of misunderstanding sometimes.

but well, if i have always been like that for the past 16 years, or rather, 8 years, i don't see an urgent need to change any of that now.

i am stubborn but that's just me i guess.

and after all, i keenly believe that action do speak louder than words and hopefully, facial expressions.

action speaks for itself. :)

my dear red bean mooncake,

where'd you go,

i miss you so

Thursday, September 11, 2008 @10:48 PM

hmm i feel very bored now.

promo's coming in one week's time.
and my revision is not even one quarter done yet. :/

slacked too much during the september holidays.
went to watch a movie FINALLY.
haha wall-e is sooo cute! :D
and i played arcade..
and peanut jammed.. haha
and watched too much tv..
and spent the last weekend sneezing.
until now, my throat still feel a little sore. :(

haiz.
this weekend is going to be a super busy one.
i need to refine my eom for the final submission next mon.
i need to study maths, chem and physics.
according to my plan, i aim to finish all my revision for these three subjects by this week so that i can focus the whole of next week on geog alone.
hmm.. well...
things always don't turn out exactly as what i plan anyway.
haha my plan is screwed once again.

i am very aware that my favourite mooncake festival's round the corner!
in two days' time i heard, on the news just now.
but my red bean mooncake is still nowhere to be seen.
oh no, how am i going to celebrate my favourite mooncake festival without my favourite red bean mooncakes? :(

Tuesday, September 02, 2008 @11:57 PM

congratulate me.
i just endured 5 sickening hours of gp lecture today.
plus 1 1/2 hours of maths tutorial.
thanks to jia en who came to sit with me halfway through gp lect and carolyn's "massage" during maths tut, making the process less torturing. :)

tmr- 2 hours of maths lecture, 1/2 (?) hour of physics tutorial and 2 hours of geog lecture.

i hate holiday make-up lectures/tutorials.
but i can do it. just one more day to go. yes i can!

-.-