Thursday, April 16, 2009 @8:26 PM
i thought repeatedly to myself and tears surging back and forth,
"what have i done to deserve all these?"
from initial disappointment, sadness, numb, and now, i am truly pissed.
i am angry not because you decided to ditch me for a long-time-no-see friend at the very last minute.
i am angry because of the frequency at which such situation of similar sort has happened.
i am angry at the reckless way in which you deal with it.
i am angry because you have not been responsible enough to inform me in advance each time when you know you can't make it and will only do so when asked.
i am angry because this has, unfortunately, already become a norm.
is "too tired" ever a good reason for not keeping a promise?
to you,
despite what you have promised, you don't come to school or fail to bring some stuff which a friend asks you to etc because you are
too tired.
to me,
i feel extremely tired and feel like ponning very very much but i will still drag myself to school because i promise a friend to do something and/or there are notes to be collected for the class etc.
we behave oppositely.
maybe it's the difference in values which each of us upholds.
i thought i am immune to this kind of emo friendship thing already.
but today i experienced the same old familiar bittersour feeling again, in my throat.
old wounds were reopened. but i tried hard not to think too much.
not to think too much. not to think too much.
perhaps i have been expecting too much from my friends.
perhaps i have been too over-possessive.
perhaps i bear grudges too easily.
perhaps i should just let things be and not be affected by them.
aargh enough of my random useless rantings.
i am tired of them too.
today i went to the nearby amk library and spent the 2 hrs and 45 mins of my free time rather constructively studying for the physics VA lecture.
i had two interesting encounters at the library's cafe which proved that well, humans are still compassionate and nice creatures.
i ordered mocha favourite at the counter. the pleasant malay cashier then called out to a chinese woman who was obviously from china because of her strong chinese accent, "yi ge mocha favourite!"
i was instantly touched by the effort she made to communicate with her chinese colleague.
while waiting for my drink, i watched the malay lady asking the chinese woman how to say 'heart' in chinese. the chinese woman in return asked the malay lady how to say 'xin' in english.
their interactions moved me deeply.
quite touching isn't it? :)
then there was an incident when a little school boy spilled his coke all over the floor while trying to open the can and at the instant, he yelled quite loudly which startled everyone in the cafe, including me.
seeing what happened, a guy promptly walked to him and offered him a tissue to wipe his hands. :)
i hereby conclude that,
the world is still colourful